why don't the thoughts of suicide ease? why is everyday a struggle to get out of bed, the house is messy because I dont' have the erngy to clean. i sit there i smoke, i think, i smoke, i think, my body is given up from the overdoses, i'm constantly sick from taking too many tablets not enough for my permanant sleep that I so want, that i need to stop everything. I saw a sign that said "deaf by 30" 20th june 2009. I read that as a dead by 30, i read that as a sign to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. i am exhausted and now just want to sleep. am i allowed to say that if i'm found i'm not to have any treatment, if i die i'm not to be brought back. i have already wrote to my family, and have the letters in an envelope for each of them. i want to be allowed to die peacefully.