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Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by darkdays, Aug 15, 2013.

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  1. darkdays

    darkdays Active Member

    Hi, how are you?
    how am I?
    I lived for so long like
    someone who was dead already
    never going
    never doing
    little more than yearning unfulfilled
    little more than dreaming
    like a ghost
    who's body's decomposing
    never saying, never staying
    how am I? I'm angry but
    you don't want me to voice
    the fury of my fire
    I'll try the world in flames
    and bring the backlash down
    onto both of us
    I was doomed from the start
    and my heart's growing cold, thank you
    how are you?


    This is one I wrote years ago, when I was finally able to articulate my feelings of frustration about feeling like everyone who asked me how I was, was nothing but a hypocrite who only wanted the standard answer : "fine, thank you. how are you? It was nothing but a pretension of politeness. We Americans are still very British in that regard, stiff upper lip, and all that garbage. I learned at a young age that no one wanted to hear the truth. No one really gave a damn if I was hurting, and anyway, I had no vocabulary for what I was feeling, no one ever talked about such things. It's so entrenched that even now I am censoring myself, and am also fully aware that half the time, when asked by a mental health worker how I am, after a pause to think about, I just give up. Maybe I'm just numb from holding back all those repressed emotions. Maybe we all are.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you continue to let your voice be heard hun here and in rl tell it to your doc or therapist how it is ok not how they want to hear it
     
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