I dont enjoy anything anymore. I cant take walks outside becasue im alone. and people stare at me people laugh at me. Thats why I wear earphones and listen to music, to drown them out. Too many people. Too many thoughts I think I cna read. Its easy saying that no one can read minds, but why am i right about them so often? Its supposed to get better but its been 8 years , and nothing has gotten better. I'm never going to have friends. Im never going to be loved by anyone. Im never going to achieve anything. I hate this life, because it isnt a life. The images, the thoughts wont stop. This isn't a temporary problem, its a permanent disease that was given to me. Its a permanent disease with only one solution/. When the last pillar falls ( and it no doubt will soon at this rate), it will bring me down with it. I cannot talk to people online anymore. I no longer have the energy to entertain conversation and pretend that im ok. I do enough of it in real life and its exasperating. I'm boring, im not positive and i'm stupid , and i have nothing in common with most people. Thats why i often dont bother speaking. Im tired of hearing your supposed thoughts about me or thinking about what you might say. But for some reason im scared of being alone.