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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Michael Lee, Sep 4, 2008.

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  1. Michael Lee

    Michael Lee Well-Known Member

    The thoughts keep coming back. I've struggled with the thoughts for 32 years. I'm not sure what to say. They don't go away. If death is the absense of hope, the loss of all possibility, then in reality I'm already dead. I am a walking dead man. Matters little if I take my own life or die of natural causes. Earth to earth ashes to ashes dust to dust. I pray for the last breath. The breath that will take my life and set me free. Last summer I went by the house I grew up in. The owner let me walk through the house. As we stood in the dining room. I just began weeping. I hate life. I lost my chance at love and life. Now it is just a matter of living it out to the end.
  2. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    32 years. A lifetime of coping with all that pain inside you. Did visiting the house dig up some difficult memories for you? It sounds as though you have many unhealed wounds...

    Please post again
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Michael,
    do you have a therapist? If you don't you should get one. It takes a little time to find the right one. Someone you can open up to. I am a firm beleiver in therapy. It has got me getting out of the house where before that You couldn't pry me out. I have had 14 years of isolation in my bedroom. I still spend a lot of time there. It is my safe place. When I have a panic attack I go there and lock out the whole world. It is time for me to be alone. Stress is another reason I isolate.
    A good therapist will spend time just getting you to face what is bothering you. She/He will teach you to cope with the thoughts. There is no saying that the thoughts of suicide will go away. Mine will be with me until I die. I don't act on them. I just confront them and then I put them aside where they belong.
    I don't feel right somehow telling you this because I suffer from alot of the same things you do!! Being on the forum trying to help others helps me! Those fourteen years of isolation I would hardley talk. Now I have found away to communcate with others. Well take care and think about therapy it helps!! Stay Strong!!:chopper:!!
  4. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    U know Michael. It is impossible to have an untitled post. Just as it is impossible to live without affecting others. No, the act alone of labeling it "Untitled" undoes the intent--and creates something new.

    Gotcha--inconsequential. "Little red ants on a hill"? (That's a line from the remake of the awesome picture, 3:10 to Yuma.)

    Well. Yeah you're definitely correct. "A hundred years from now who will know the difference." So you find a reason to LIVE NOW; to LIVE for Michael.

    I'm going religious but only to use a quote from The Bible. "Therefore choose life." Just as author Wayne Dyer said of that line, "It has an intoxicating ring." Therefore... choose life.

    Well, I don't want to give away the secret meaning behind my name but sure enough--when you get outside of YOU YOU YOU and look and seek to find, understand, come know, and help to salve others' pain, something.... happpens.

    Something good happens you Mike. I can't tell you a time, IRL or on a forum that I have helped someone and not come away feeling useful, necessary, rewarded.

    Get some therapy and work through your shit.

  5. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Eww. That last line, I didn't mean for it to sound so.... raw. Sorry man. :hug: Was just agreeing with Stranger.

    :smile: John
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