Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by transparent, Jul 6, 2009.

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  1. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    This was written to a certain person.

    Sometimes I wish the world could see the real me... or maybe even help me find myself again. I wear masks everyday; all of different color, shape, thought, and persona. I dont know who I am anymore; I am not sure if I ever knew to begin with. But I do know that at one point there was something I cared about... and someone.

    I don't know what to even write anymore. I can think of no words that can even begin to express how I feel. Maybe I am crazy; maybe we are all crazy. I just don't know anymore. You don't know how I feel. You can't even imagine and I can't even explain so please don't ask me to. No one would should ever feel this. I don't wish this on my enemies or even on those who have wronged me or my friends.

    I sometimes wish I didn't have friends. Sometimes i just want to do things but I know that it will hurt someone or disappoint them. I would rather something hurt me than to hurt those I care about. I feel that it is almost my duty to protect those around me; friend or no friend.
  2. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    Hello dear :hug: I know how you feel– to the extent that you don’t even know who you are anymore, perhaps it would be best for take some time off and find your identity, it might help to speak to your loved ones about how you actually feel, you don’t need to put up a façade around them, they will learn to love you for who you are. People are complex beings and you probably ARE all those things you pretend to be, and that’s fine as long as you learn to open up to at least one person.
  3. nevertheanswer

    nevertheanswer Active Member

    It is important to have friends, transparent, because they can help you with what you are feeling right now. Surround yourself with people you like and they can help you define who you are as a person. If you are with good, loving people, then you are definitely a good person! Never forget that.

    Yes, you are right. As a friend, it is our duty to protect them because that's what we are supposed to do. In time, they will do the same for you. :)

    As an individual, you are blessed with unique qualities that only YOU have! Which is why it may be hard for other people to understand; they are also different. Don't hide away from the people you are with. Allow them some time to get to know you - the REAL you; because distancing yourself from them will only make it harder for them to do so.

    It is perfectly okay to wear different masks. Because as you put on a different persona, you will eventually find that person deep inside of you - that identity you are most comfortable in. That is YOU.

    Rose is right, people will learn to love you for who you are but don't forget that it will only happen if you love yourself first.
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    :hug: i don't really have any helpful advice for you right now, though i will give it if i come up with anything, but i just wanted to let you know we care and we're here to listen and help where possible. feel free to pm me if you want :) take care :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    I hope writing it down helped!
    You can PM me anytime if you need to vent!
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