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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by the_great_poptart, Aug 1, 2010.

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  1. the_great_poptart

    the_great_poptart New Member

    I honestly don't know what I'm doing. I feel rediculous for even considering this. I thought I might find some sort of help, even a little, though I don't know how.
    To start out, I want to give my whole life story so you can understand me as me, but I really don't think that even matters. This is a thread, you don't know me and you never truly will.
    I find it sad, even now, that I'm focusing on just the small things in life to keep my mind off things, but it's failing quickly. And, I do feel guilty, I have no right to ask those who have suffered and are only human for some divine answers to my problems.
    However, if someone has a mind to listen please do.

    I tried to kill myself a few days ago and failed miserably. Midway through I thought I was being foolish and tried to stop myself, however I had already made myself sick, or so I believe, and fell asleep for a couple of days. When I awoke, no one that I lived with, or around me noticed, and called me lazy or selfish. I'm beginning to regret my descision. I want to go back to sleep and not wake up, but I'm afraid of that. I also don't want to stay awake with my self.

    I don't know anymore. Just please.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2010
  2. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    It's good to recognize that there is no way that I will ever be able to fully understand you as a person from a few messages in an online forum. It's ignorant, however, to think that there will be no parallels between your life and mine. As much as we convince ourselves that our issues are ours alone, and only plague us, it is not true. Themes erupt in people's lives, overlap across populations, and end up in books, movies, and music. If you pay close enough attention, those themes eventually come into the light.

    Even though there will never be enough time for me to understand what got you to this place, would you mind talking about what drove you to attempt suicide in the first place? What led you to this site? There's still a will to survive inside of you, you just have to get reaquainted with it again.

    I'm here to listen, I'm here to help. I may not have all of the answers, but I sure as hell will try. Give me your best shot!

    --ThinkingCap
     
  3. the_great_poptart

    the_great_poptart New Member

    This is not the first time I've felt suicidal, but is the first time it's taken a truely physical effect, or (once again) so I believe, on my being.

    I have alot of issues, all things that want to arise and build upon each other, and have done so for so long I can't know where to begin and sort myself out. I've tried for along time to be happy and keep them from those around me. I no longer feel that the people I thought I knew were people I could turn to. And I was proven once before that family was no help. The one thing that saved me then and occupied my thoughts can no longer do so now, no matter how much I try.

    I wish I could tell you of the beginning, but I don't know where to begin or how long ago to remember back. I just want to find an end, but like I said, I don't know where to start.
     
  4. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Try starting with when your family proved it was no help to you. What happened, and how did you feel about it? What was the one thing that kept you distracted? It's as good a place as any, really.

    --TC
     
  5. the_great_poptart

    the_great_poptart New Member

    after trying to start from the beginning like you requested, a half an hour in and not even close to half way through I've realized that I'm beyond anyones help here. I wanted familiarity of circumstance through anonymity and I realize I can't get that here.

    The more I realize it, I'm only whining about my issues. Thank you for lending an ear ThinkingCap. I'll let you know if I get through this.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2010
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    You will get through this. Im prayong for you. Why dont you pray, with all your heart. Please. Write it all out and you will feel better. We have all been there to lesser or greater degrees. We wont judge. Just tell us!!!!


    Marty
     
  7. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    STOP! Don't go away! Please, don't give up right now. I may not have all the answers, but I know I can help. I know I can. Give me a story, something to get the words flowing. You have it in you to write this, don't listen to the part of you that nagging at you, telling you you couldn't possibly do this, that you're so far gone, no one can help. Stop listening to that! Just try, one story, one memory, doesn't have to be anything big, just one recollection.

    You are not 'just whining', you are not some selfish brat leaning on other people. If you want familiarity of circumstance then you gotta give some words for us to feel familiar about. Post what you have, no matter what it is. Just put down something that doesn't involve 'I can't" or "it's impossible". There is a very good chance that someone here can help you.

    --ThinkingCap
     
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