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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MissMisery, May 2, 2011.

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  1. MissMisery

    MissMisery Well-Known Member

    No words can describe how I feel agonising suffocating misery the devil is on my shoulder, I have nobody nobody but the worst thing is I don't have myself I've destroyed myself inside and out. Its unbearable and agonising I can't face the mirror let alone another person.

    My hair I wrecked it pulled so much out I look so awful freakshow and ppl look at me in street or shops cos I'm tht revolting I look shocking. I'm not being dramatic its awful Im not a vain twat like the bitch of a so called mother I have and I'm far from shallow but it hurts I'm 24 supposed to be a woman. Wat a joke

    Ow chest hurts now just so alone and helpless I hate living here too fukin mice pissing shitting everywher I have nothing left pcs broken cd players and now tv and dvd can't stand it I can't stand it I'm hurting so much its unreal I've never felt so ill in my life I have nothing nobody and nowhere to run to no music nothing so called dad just verbally abuses me and makes out I'm a pig alcoholic etc lazy etc destroyed me like he did my shit mother who got away from it all I'll never forgive them ever not this time never let it go last year either I'm not good but no human being deserves this
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi missmisery,

    I'm terribly sorry you're feeling this low. Did writing that down and talking about it help?? If so, keep doing so, try and find something that helps even just a little bit. You can get through this x
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are 24 you need to move away you need to go to hospital and get some help to heal inside You are important you do matter and you can heal
    Go to hospital okay get some therapy get on some meds please you can do this then the hospital will help you find a place of your own where you will be safe okay i hope you can do this for you Are you on disability if not the hospital can look into that for you too hun please reach out and get some help for you
     
  4. Louis03

    Louis03 Well-Known Member

    Hey missmisery, sorry it's so bad. Please get out of that situation so you can start to heal. Maybe you can seek a woman's shelter or something just make a change, where there's a will there's a way. I can tell from your posts you're an intelligent and interesting person. 24 is still young but don't wait any longer to get out of that toxic situation. Sometimes bad people get away with things, reality can be ugly, you just have to do the best you can. The best revenge is living well. You have your whole life ahead of you still please don't give up, hugs.
     
  5. hi,

    well lets imagine that you no longer want to live. then do not be selfish because I am sure that I can need your life as a friend! please send me a message!
     
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Hair grows back, so does confidence in yourself and that is what you need you need right now.

    Maybe a new place would be better for you - in fact, if your getting this horrible verbal abuse and being put down all the time by your parents, I think a move would actually allow yourself to breathe.

    I know people who had to move out of parents homes. One friend, his family home was unhygienic with the father drinking and mother with so many kids she barely had time to sit down and smoke a cigarette!

    You need your own space, and time to regain some confidence.

    You come across as quite intelligent, and I'm sure you'd be fun company if you were more at ease with yourself. It takes time, but often as not abusive relationships drag people down and when they part things get better.

    Aged only 24, you really do have several chances to start over waiting for you. You could take the route of education, doubtless some nice young gent your own age is out there - love cures a lot of this insecurity but obviously you want to get yourself feeling better first.

    Don't put yourself down, you ARE a woman, and maybe your just a late bloomer in that womanhood is something you've struggled with. The good side of this is that you have a lot to still enjoy and look forward to. There are things we can feel that are priceless and I promise you that if you get help, get things sorted out one step at a time - you'll begin to realise some of those feelings.

    You should be trying out some meds and keeping a diary of your day to day struggle. I guess counselling might really help you also as your depression is tied up in the unfortunate and cruel relationship you seem to have with parents.

    I've only ever had love myself in that department - it upsets me a lot to think that the child you were is still hurt and still something you cannot let go of. I cannot understand an adult who does not do everything possible to make a child feel like he or she is special - childhood should be special, and for those who never had that, maybe things will turn around one day and you'll be mother or father, and can break the cycle.

    Miss Misery, I'm not sure what life has to offer for you - what your niche may be - or what passions you have for creativity. So far they have been suppressed, and that is unfair, but the greatest injustice would be for you to not give yourself the chance to break free of the past and make a kind of peace with it one way or the other. Closure is maybe the right word.

    What I do know is that YOU have something to offer the world - its buried away inside you right now but that light is shining all the same.

    Please get some help - don't take this alone because depression forces you to head for the darkness , it wants you in the shade, away from the sunshine, away from light. company, support and optimism and away from the truth.

    Don't let depression back you into a corner - take a step to fight it - book an appointment and start off some process of healing which is LONG overdue!

    One day, in the future, I see you as the good work colleague, the great neighbour - kind to the elderly neighbours.

    I just KNOW that when you are confident and make an effort to make yourself look nice for a night out - that pretty much everyone apart from the blind will see you as a women!

    More than looks, your a caring person and when you get better you'll be able to be 'you' and not have the constant chaos of living with parents who are not monsters, but seem pretty cold and callous on a basic level.

    Are they abusive to each other I wonder? Kind of like 'pass the parcel only its the hang-ups being thrown around. Maybe they got raised that way.

    Hopefully one day you'll feel sorry for them as anyone who raises a child without love and affection, has missed out on a beautiful life affirming experience. You lose out also but you are not to blame and you can learn a lesson from all this - a lot of lessons!

    When your mind is more at peace, maybe with the right meds perhaps counselling, I'm sure you will find a strength inside to go about building a life for yourself, but a life connected to others, which will come in time.

    Good luck and don't put yourself down. .
     
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