Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Evanescence, May 10, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Evanescence

    Evanescence Member

    I don't even know why I'm here. Really, I was searching the internet for methods of suicide. I already cut, and have become more serious about it. I am focusing on the individual arteries now, but it's hard to do it right. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. Sadly, I am pregnant and I wanted to live at least long enough to have the baby. I already have two children, and people tells me how selfish I am for wanting to die when I have kids. I am obligated to live, I guess. Right now, every fiber in my being wants to be dead. I am so desperate for someone to understand what I'm feeling that I was trying to get attention from strangers on the internet but instead I got banned. those people grew tired of my complaints and drama. They don't hate me, they're just indifferent. People are indifferent. Please, someone tell me a guaranteed method of suicide. I don't want to end up on a ventilator because I screwed it up.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Nobody here is going to give you methods; SF is a pro-life site. We'll listen and offer support if you feel like talking though.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hang out here make new friends here okay pm me if you want we support each other here because we do care hugs
  4. Evanescence

    Evanescence Member

    well I sort of figured after reading through several threads. I don't want to live, but because I have two kids, I'm at least obligated to try and make things work.

    Thanks. Aside from lays offs, the humiliation of having to sign up for public assistance, and constant financial troubles, I think most of my depression and anxiety is organic. It does run in my family..in fact both of my grandmothers
    had similar problems. i was on Lithium and it seemed to work, but I can't take it while pregnant so I'm on Lamictol and Zoloft now. Lamictol doesn't do crap for me other than put me to sleep which is nice, but I'm still stressed and very depressed.

    From what I've read so far, most people here aren't exactly coping so I hesitate to ask for coping methods. For me, I cut. I releases endorphins and when I see the blood, I somehow feel better. That sounds psychotic, I know. I've been cutting off and on since I was 9. Partly, I have violent thoughts at times, and if I didn't cut myself, I may take it out on others. Also, I punish myself by cutting.

    Anyhow, thanks for approving me. I hope that I can maybe help others if not myself.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    think you should ask your doc to change your medication to something that does work for you that help also to decrease not only depression but the urges to sh new meds are great for helping both of these. therapy has help me stay here as well as meds off and on nice to see you reaching out here hugs
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry how you're feeling try not to let other people make you feel so guilty they don't walk in your shoes.I'm on Lithium now have been on it down the years but it doesn't do anything for me personally.I tried Lamictal once that didn't seem to do much either for me as well.If you want to try mood stabilizers you can try Valproate(epilum)same thing or Tegretol.But there are so many types of meds out there you can try as well.I've been on many meds down the years myself with no success,but I'm not saying none will help you either.
  7. kote

    kote Account Closed

    you sound like a female version of me.
    im so suicidal yet cant because of my kids.
    im on meds for all sorts - wanna just lash out at the world!!!
    but ive managed to get my fittness back and put it into kendo.
    apart from those two reasons everything else is so fucked up.
    while im medicated im alright as ive found the right mix but when it wears off i cant cope and just sleep. i cant even go to the super market without wanting to stab someone if im not medicated. just pure anger.
    id rather take it out on myself though!!!!
    everyday i feel suicidal - it never leaves!!! i just want my life back or for it to be over!!!
  8. kote

    kote Account Closed

    oh and welcome.

    sorry i didnt say it first!!!

    we are all here to help and im one of many who will gladly give you as much time to vent everything out!!!

    just pm me or catch me and im happy to help any way i can.
  9. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    well i'm glad you found the SF.
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    so glad you found this forum where we do understand what you're saying and won't judge you...
    i hope you'll keep reaching out for support..
  11. Evanescence

    Evanescence Member

    I've never taken any meds that helped completely, it just takes the edge off, but it's better than nothing. Lithium seemed to help more than any SSRI, and it's without the annoying side effects-except it did make me pee every five minutes. But that's better than the alternative.

    My mom would tell me to get over it when i got depressed. That's basically what everyone says, but in different words. They can't understand. Really, I've been on so many different meds that I've lost hope that anything will help. Lithium helped more than the SSRIs but I still cut on occasion. I have scars all over my arms. I was on Tegretol as a kid and that helped but it's an anti convulsant, as well. I was diganosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I am trying cognitive therapy and DBT. Hopefully that will help.

    That's me, too. I pretty much hate everyone. And there is so much anger. If i didn't cut myself, I might cut someone else. We are the same.


    Me, too. What an awesome site.

    It's awesome to find others who are able to relate to me in some way..awesome and unusual.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.