unwanted, pathetic, useless

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, May 21, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    What's the point? Why am I trying? It's not appreciated, so why do I bother? :unsure:

    Ok, rant over. I'll explain.

    Mum went back to work today at 9am, which leaves me alone to look after Nan. Anyone that's read any of my recent posts will know how badly I have been doing. I have been dreading basically being put in sole responsibility of my Nan, but today I tried to put it to the back of my mind and concentrate on her. No time to think about myself, Nan comes first.

    So got up at 9 and made Nan breakfast, Mum never gets here til 10am anyway, so nothing particuarly different there. Nan's nurse came in and they were talking etc. Nan started crying and couldnt stop. She turned to me and said "I miss your Mum, I wish she was here." It's 12:45 (Mum's been at work for less than 5 hours) and Nan has said that she wants her back about 10 times dry.gif She also told the nurse that she didn't think she would be here much longer, but thzt's a different story. What have I done today? Tried to be nice to her. Tried to look after her. Not good enough is it? I'm not my Mum, I'm not the one she wants here. I'M not good enough for her.

    One more thing. Mum just emailed me moaning at me for leaving my Nan in the house alone for a few minutes. Why did I leave her alone? Because SHE wanted shopping. Can't do anything right can I? *sighs*

    What's the point anymore. :rolleyes:


    Sorry for the MAJOR rant.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2007
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Sam, your nan has an illness that makes her feel small, afraid and fragile.
    Try to understand her clinging to her daughter. She's not rejecting you and you are not doing anything wrong, she just wants to spend what little time she has left with her closest blood relative.
    Your mum is probably feeling guilty about not being able to be the main carer, so just let what she says wash over you.
  3. Tara

    Tara Guest

    sometimes i feel this way too, do you ever get the feeling of satisfaction when you help though, even if its not appreciated?

    Im sorry, ive not read any recent posts of yours, so if i say something not right please know i dont mean to cause any illthoughts.

    Omg, im soo sorry to hear that. :hug: maybe your nan just feels more comfortable with your mum there, maybe she doesnt want you to lose out on you're "time", maybe she'd rather have you out enjoying yourself rather than looking after her?

    I get how you feel. Is there anyway that you're mum couldnt work and would just look after your nan? that way your nan wouldnt moan at her not being there and you wouldnt feel underappreciated.

    Dont be sorry for having a rant. thats what we're here for.

    You are not useless, pathetic or unwanted. Just because your nan wants your mum it doesnt mean she doesnt want you. and you're not useless or pathetic, look at you! you're there looking after her even though you're not well yourself. you went out shopping for her! you're a great grandaughter!

    actually ignore mine, Terry said exactly what shoudlve been said!
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Terry, yea i know, ive kinda calmed down now, it just upset me at the time :hug:

    Tara, thanks for the reply :smile: yea, i do feel that sense of satisfaction :smile: you said everything right! unfortunately my mum DOES have to work, but i think we are going to have to work something out. thank you for your kind words :hug:
  5. Tara

    Tara Guest

    no problem.
    Oh i see. yeah it will be good if you can work something out. You said you're nan had carers? i know from my grandpa that they're not there all day., but maybe they can ease the stress from you? if theyre like my grandpas they are there like an hour? couldnt you take that time for yourself? or is there a way they can be there when ur mums at work?
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Anyone looking after a terminally ill person gets angry, upset, defeated and worn out...you are doing great Sam!!! :hug: :hug:
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Tara, my nan has no carers hun.

    Terry, thank you SO much for that ! :hug:
  8. Tara

    Tara Guest

    oh sorry, must be mixing up posts. thinking i can type to two people or more at once....*rolls eyes*