I have suicidal for a while, but never had a set date or day to try it, until a couple of weeks ago, which was very difficult for me and both my parents. I was in hospital for a week and had to deal with constant check ups from people to know I am safe and OK, which I was, see I am alive. But come to think of it I don't want to die, but seriously want the thought to go away. I started hurting myself at the young age of 9, I first did it when my parents battered the shit out of me, they don't do that no more, I am now 14 high school, taking my GCSE. But during my tests, like the mathematics one I had yesterday the thought of suicide just popped in to my head and I was unable to concentrate on my paper, so I failed, got below average, or below the score I originally get which is a B-A, we have further tests coming up soon, I am highly scared of failing them and don't my thought to come back or creep up on me, the feeling just seems wonderful really, but I am so, so very scared I will do something stupid and go through with it. I have amazing friends, one annoying family, awesome people supporting me, but I am just fed up, just want to end what I have really, just can't take it for much longer, please any help people, I will literally do anything you tell me because I am really enthusiastic about getting well. I think one of my let down points about wanting to go through with the thoughts is my weight, I am under weight, but I am scared to gain any, I have a eating disorder I was diagnosed with it when I was 10 years old as I wasn't eating, that put a lot of pressure on my parents, and made things difficult for them to cope with me being around, so would really like to over come my depression, suicidal thoughts and eating disorder, I know that will take a lot of time, but I am very enthusiastic I will get their. When I am older I want to have a loving family, I don't want my children to have to deal with someone who is unstable and unable to cope, so please any help will do?
Thanks in advance and Happy Easter :pinkrose:
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Thanks in advance and Happy Easter :pinkrose:
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