Up and down back and forth

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Icey, Dec 27, 2009.

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  1. Icey

    Icey Active Member

    Wanna know what I mean by that?

    Well. I go back and forth between not eating at all to eating too much. It's rather depressing actually. Three years ago I never ate anything period. Except drinking water, nothing went into my body. I went down to maybe 90 pounds or so when I met my lover. She helped me realized that I don't need to be like that. That I could be beautiful without have my ribs stick out. Those past three years I was eating fine. I gained a lot of healthy weight. But then I started growing attached to food and if it weren't for my overactive digestive system, I would probably be obese now. I'm 120 pounds though.

    I promised myself I'd never go above 110. In fact I'd rather be 100.

    Now for the past two months I've been freaking out and I'll suddenly stop eating for a weeks period, and then eat again but only a little. And then then stop, and then eat, and then stop and then eat. It's effecting me pretty harshly, though and I've noticed that. My ribs feel like they're starting to poke back out again, in fact yesterday I was laying on my stomach and I couldn't get up because my ribs were in so much pain. I'm having random paralysis moments that I used to get when I wasn't eating at all.

    I'm thinking about eating again... but I don't know. I sort of like the feeling of being hungry. It feels kinda good and nostalgic, if that makes sense. I know if I don't eat enough, because of my digestive system, I'll loose weight fast. It feels great, to me, aside from the aches and pains and random paralysis.

    My girlfriend will kill me though, if I don't eat. Last time she found out I was cutting again she was so angry at me. Ugh.

    I don't know. I'll figure something out sometime. For now I guess I'll nibble on celery. Apparently you burn more carbs than it has. Wicked.

    By the way, I'm a girl dating another girl. I have to add this because the last time I was seeking help it really confused someone. XD Sorry about that.
  2. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I can relate to that.
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