I try harder and harder every day to throw on a smile and an upbeat attitude, but then at the end of the day......I feel down, fake and I guess defeated. I am close to graduating college which I know that I should be over joyed about, but I try to think about my future and I feel as if there is none. Like if someone were to ask the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" At times I don't want that five years to come. I have been on here before, then I start to feel better and leave. It just comes rushing back and it as if it is worse than ever before. I have given serious thought about how I can take my own life and have been searching high and low for a method that would work for me and..........it is really scary. Never in a million years did I think this would be on my mind on such a grand scale. Really sucks.