sigh, i'm not even sure what my question is....
i'm about 6 weeks into getting treatment for depression and i'm so discouraged. i have supports through the local hospital. but i don't feel like i deserve them. i feel like i should be working harder, doing more. i am frightened that i have scared away the one person i trusted in this whole process (i wrote about that situation in another thread).
the worst part is that i have moments, couple of hours even, like yesterday, of feeling hopeful, even optimistic about the future. and then the sadness creeps back in, the negative talk starts up again.
in dec/jan, when i wanted to die 24/7 i thought that was the absolute bottoming out of feeling crap... but this roller coaster, these little moments of sunshine right now, it is almost more horrible if that makes sense. the happiness seems so close, but it always slips away, leaving me more alone.
i don't know how to keep fighting. i am just so tired.
catherine
i'm about 6 weeks into getting treatment for depression and i'm so discouraged. i have supports through the local hospital. but i don't feel like i deserve them. i feel like i should be working harder, doing more. i am frightened that i have scared away the one person i trusted in this whole process (i wrote about that situation in another thread).
the worst part is that i have moments, couple of hours even, like yesterday, of feeling hopeful, even optimistic about the future. and then the sadness creeps back in, the negative talk starts up again.
in dec/jan, when i wanted to die 24/7 i thought that was the absolute bottoming out of feeling crap... but this roller coaster, these little moments of sunshine right now, it is almost more horrible if that makes sense. the happiness seems so close, but it always slips away, leaving me more alone.
i don't know how to keep fighting. i am just so tired.
catherine