I'm down again. Very very very down. I haven't been out of the house. I'm having irrational thinking. getting obsessed with things that are unreachable And never will be in reach. I want love so bad, but it hurts so bad. I keep trying to look for people in the wrong places. Just as friends. That's all, FRIENDS! are there people that will be friend and not ask for a picture. Yes I am hidding behind a keyboard And looking for attention. I don't reach out to my real friends cause I don't like them seeing me like this. I want to be worth something to someone DAMN IT!!!. But I should be humanly put down. Because I'm to naive. Or to stupid to stick to my boudries, nor listen to my gut, or head the warnings of red lights. Instead I stand there saying ooooh what are those pretty red lights for. Or just flat give out my bank account information. Its so hard to ground myself right now. These dbt classes I just don't know about anymore. They must not know about multiple mind sets. some peoples battles against judgments, feelings, emotions all at once and feed off eachoth. Only you brain tells what your brain to do,. Now I'm just rambling the f**k off. I don't want to go to class. I just can't. But I don't want to get in trouble. I'm always loosing a battle. If I don't go to class I'm not going to get better. But do I use everything in me to walk out the front door. With the sheer terror I feel when I leave my home. IS IT worth feeling suicidal by even thinking of putting my foot outside the door. IS IT !? My concentration level is very low. I just neeeeed to feeeel something. I haven't forgiven. I haven't been angry. I've lost my smile, my laughter. My tears arnt for joy anymore.