Hi... I posed a few days ago. My original estimates for the length of time I may spend planning may need to be revised. My material setup (which I shall not disclose) is completely ready. Maybe it's mundane and foolish and cliched.' There is a woman I'd do anything for, with a beautiful baby boy... he isn't mine, but I wish to god that he was. And they will be moving. Far away, because that's what she wants. I don't blame her for following her heart, but I won't go back to how I felt before I found her. She'll slip out of my life a piece at a time, until they're completely gone. And so I am going to maximize whatever time I felt left with them until the end. All I wanted was someone to love and a baby to care for. I would have sacrificed anything for that. But they don't need me, or want me. I'm expendable. Compared to them, nothing else matters to me. Me... I'm a footnote she feels sorry for. Maybe that isn't enough for suicide depending on what you've all endured, but for me, I don't think I'm strong enough to go through this. I don't WANT to be that strong. When the final hammer comes down, It'll be time to go. I've heard "Someday you'll meet a nice girl" a thousands of times and "someone come along and love you someday" so many times that I will puke my balls out through my mouth if I had it again. I just want it to be over. No more pain.