Update

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Apr 27, 2008.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So, not posted in a while.
    Still feeling pretty depressed. Am very stressed. Have a major assignment due in in a week and I have not got any help with it and I dont know what I am going to do. It is worth a 3rd of my degree.

    I am so tired all the time as I am not sleeping and work are beginning to notice. On Friday I had a very emotional day, at least I managed not to cry at wrk... well not so anyone noticed. I seem to be emotional all the time and will cry at the drop of a hat. I am not sleeping and it is driving me mad. I cant concentrate in the day and I am worn out. I mentioned it to my doctor before and he said it could be the medication I am on. I have been on them coming up to 3 mnths now so it can't be that. I am going back to the doc on Friday. I doubt he will give me any pills to help even though I am struggling with uni and work. I want him to and I think I will ask him as these next few weeks are so important. I need to get a decent mark in my exams and coursework and if I can't concentrate through tiredness I can't see that happening.

    Things are going well between me and the bf. Although we have argued tonight over the cat as I let him out and we dont have a cat flap so now I have to wait up for him to return when he decides to. He is not used to going outside and has only just started it so now I am worrying about him.

    I am still worried about my suicidal intentions and urges. I have cut down on my drinking, i have decided I will not drink in the week unless I am going out for a reason. So that should stop my drunken thinking. I am also making sure that I dnt have any pain killers or pills in the house other than my medication...I cant afford to od on those as wont work and then I would have to buy a whole new prescription and now they are over £7. It has been a pain this week though. I dont know what I have done to my wrist but I can hardley move it. I dont think I have fallen on it or anything so I am wondering if it i arthritis but then I am only in my 20's so it shouldnt be that. It is so painful, I dont want to go to doc about it as feel as though i go enough with dperession etc.

    Anyway, the cat still isn't back. I am going to have to venture out and locate him. Dam thing!!!!!
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hope the doc is able to help you out, cuz yeah a lot of your problems right now are from lack of sleep. Proud of you for cutting back on the booze. I'm in the same boat and it's damn hard. Good luck on that. As for the cat, go out, say here kitty kitty and head back in lol. Good luck GoldenPsych!
     
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    bloody thing was just sat there on the wall outside. he is a black cat so I couldnt see him.

    I am going to doc on Friday. I hope he can help this time.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm glad kitty made it back home!

    good luck at the doctors, and with that big assignment. do you have a tutor who can maybe help you with the assignment? i find with big stuff like that, if i have mini-deadlines along the way then i get through it easier. if i think of the final project in its entirety i just panic and can't get started. i love proofreading. do you want to send me a draft?
     
  5. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    If you want me to I will do. I have been told I have lazy grammer and a dislike for apostrophes. So would be great. I tried contacting my tutor. I hae not got on with him at all and he had been a sarcastic dickhead. And as it turns out the week before final year deadline on 30% of our whole degree...he goes on holiday!

    I am mega stressed about it all and I had this horrible thought earlier that if I ended it tonight I wouldn't be stressed anymore. It is still in back of my mind.
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm gonna PM you my email address... if you want a proofreader, the offer is open! just let me know! i do resumes, too! LOL
    try and keep those negative thoughts at bay.... just focus on this task right in front of you. tomorrow will take care of itself and just keep focused, ok?
    catherine
     
  7. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    So... 1st off. went to doc yesterday and he has given me 7 Zopiclone which are sleeping pills/sedatives. I took one last night and I actually slept through the night. My bf was taking the piss as took it about an hour before went to bed and i was out of it and he said i was asleep2 min after getting in to bed and he had to roll me over as i was on his side of the bed. So I need to be carefull when I take them as he has only given me 7 of them and he said he expects them to last me a couple of months as to only take them when I really need them.

    Also I have applied for Special Sits on my dissertation, what this basically means is I hand it in late and the examination board consider my special situation as if it warrants an extention as such and if i can still get marked at top level rather than only getting 40%. So now I am working on revision- which is worse as I dont know anything... so I have 2 weeks to learn a module and revise for it. I am still tired as i always am but last night I slept though the night which is the 1st time in nearly about 4 months and it was getting to me so much that i wasnt concentrating. I know the pills are there now if I need them. I dont have them on me tonight as really just wanna keep them in emergency like if i have a bad day and I am stressing and I know I have to be up the next day. It doesnt bother me lying awake all night when I know I dont have to be up. I find it quite calming infact to listen to the night and just lie there all snugin a bug and i can think, but when tht happens when i know I have to get up I start getting in to a panic and gets worse etc.

    So I am prob gonna go bed in a bit as need to do some work tomorrow. I have loads to do and I love to sleep and I love my bed! Although I am tired I feel awake again. I feel as though i have a new lease on life, I am feeling more chilled out as I know the prob can be sorted if need be, It is not one of my major probs but now i know i can sleep then makes me feel better as sleeping is my favourite past time and my best and only talent!!!!!
     
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so happy to hear that things are looking a bit better now. Hold onto that and run with it!!! Best of luck to you but dont forget that we're here for you if you need us!
     
  9. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Had a bad night last night. Didn't sleep at all. Didnt bring pills with me as need to make them last but now I am scarde of going to bed incase I dont sleep again. I am getting panicy about it. So my plan, hang out down stairs watching TV until I fall asleep. If I wake during the night get up and come downstairs with duvet as dont wanna wake the bf as he stresses me out even more.

    I think the pills I am on for depression must be helping, although I dont feel that much better I think they have must have done something as I have not cut in about 6 weeks at least! Just wish I felt better. I am still getting those feelings where I feel I would be better off out of the world and other people would be better off but I am tring to get through it. I am suprised how things have been gong considering I am so close to exams and finals for my degree. So finals after 4 years of hard work! RAh!!!!!!
     
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