Upping the habit

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AfraidofMyself, Sep 8, 2007.

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  1. --Possible Trigger (please be safe)--

    I thought maybe by posting it, it sort-of could get let out.
    I decided days ago--almost a week now--that I actually wanted to stop self-injuring. It's only gotten worse, to be honest. I'm slicing myself up so much. I'm aching to burn myself too but I've remained steady in not doing so. I want to bleed out. I want to bleed my heart out. I want every tear to come out in blood. I want every emotion to drop to the floor and make a red pool. I envision the small red lines appearing and dripping down to splash against the floor and release all of this...all of this...all of this...whatever this is! Frustration, anger, hurt, pain, fear, loneliness, I don't know!
    I want it to all be gone. I want to simply bleed out. I need new blood, is what I need. I need to start over in life. I feel like I've ruined my own blood. I've tainted myself with stupid emotion. Instead of being strong for someone, I've worried myself into a frenzy. Instead of being supportive and helpful, I'm killing myself off. Even my cuts are controlled and freakishly odd, I think. I make my rows, always rows. I can't just do stray cuts even when I'm frantically trying to find some sort of twisted relief in a piece of metal.

    I'm so alone right now. I am so helpless.
    I don't have anyone right now.
    I need to be strong.
    I'm losing it.
    It hurts.
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I know exactly how you feel, and we may promise ourself we'll give up the blade, but once it has turned into an addiction it is near impossible and with so many temptations around it's very hard. and with BP in hospital all the stress, you pooor thing.
    :hug: I hope you can avoid cutting.
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