Ups and Downs

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wallflower, Jun 5, 2008.

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  1. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I'm getting really anti-social. I can't seem to do things right. People are so damn happy and I feel like a total joke!! I think things are starting to turn around for me, I have felt this sudden surge of emotional health and happiness. I don't want to let go of it- but sometimes it seems the highs come with the lows. Last week I was sooo depressed. I couldn't focus and I couldn't leave the house for so long I just sat on the comp and vegged- it's been a serious addiction. I want things to come to me finally, because I can't seem to get it right. I can't vent anymore because no one listens. How do I become stable? How do I free myself of suicidal ideation and fear? I've gotten so used to not existing that I don't remember what it feels like to feel or to care. Even writing the word- care- makes me tremble. One way to put it is that I am a nervous wreck.

    Is there a technique to eliminate these suicidal thoughts. It's almost like once you hang on to that single thread you will follow it to the end. It's like an addiction, to think about it without feeling guilt...but not that you should feel guilt about it, it doesn't stir any guilt in me unless I actually think about the people I care about and then sometimes I forget.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think most ppl look happier than we are when we are so down...about su being an addiction, it has a lot of merit to it...sometimes su seems like OCD, when our behavior gets us back to the 'dead end' we hate so much...for me, it has been a route of talk therapy, meds and is different for each person...what I do when I get lost??? try to remember how distorted my thinking is and try to find someone who can reflect a different way of perceiving the situation (e.g. 'all ppl do that and you are not defective')...big hugs, J
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Suicidal thoughts for the most part never fully go away. I have been dealing with mine for about fourteen years. The thought is always there. The trick is to start thinking of positive things you have done and eventually it will quiet down for awhile.
    I don't wish them on anyone because they can be so debilitating. That is part of the reason I isolate myself. I feel people can read my mind. And I don't want them to know what I am thinking. I wish you luck and happiness, heaven knows you deserve it.:chopper:
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