ups and downs

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ngoc, Nov 2, 2008.

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  1. ngoc

    ngoc New Member

    I was wondering if what I feel is actually a problem or just normal teenage angst. I mean, I'll feel intensely suicidal for a couple hours, then it'll just vanish really suddenly and I'll feel fine. I'll cry randomly, too, but usually at home and not at school.

    It happened today, actually... My dad is major "get good grades" and is always pushing my siblings and me to be the best. I have a really high class rank and my dad is always telling me to get my grades up so I get into a good college. (He wants me to go to Stanford but I just play along so he won't yell at me...) But, I love drumming, which takes up a ton of time, and I went to this drumline audition that took up the majority of yesterday. So, while he's talking with me today, he kept telling me over and over that if I wanted to drum for a living, he would be fine with that (although he really wouldn't) and I should go to a state college (which in his eyes, would be the equivalent of disowning me).

    The same night of the auditions, my family had to go to a wedding and they had a bunch cake and candy (because it was Halloween and a wedding). Anyway, I got some candy, and my dad said that it was bad for me and I shouldn't eat it. I was like okay, whatever. Then, when I got some cake, he said for me not to eat too much of that either. I mean come on! It's a wedding. You're supposed to eat really fatty foods.

    He always acts really disappointed in me and all when I don't do what he says....

    Anyway, after he left my room after the talk today, after the auditions and wedding, I was like sobbing (or at least trying not to...). I felt really jaded about life and tired of staying up all night for school. I barely have any friends anymore! I don't go out and I'm not enjoying life at the moment. I mean, I know that later on, if my life sucks and I don't get into a good college, and I get a sucky job, I'll blame it on my parents for not pushing me enough, so I don't know what to do! I'll be unhappy either way.

    Back to today, after a couple hours of just roaming on the web and reading suicide stuff, I felt a lot better. A friend called me (coincidentally, she doesn't really know I'm suicidal - no one does) and we chatted about holding a dance party later. My crush called and came over to my house to do some fundraiser stuff. I mean, after all that, which leads to now, I feel very good. That's why I'm able to write so much. Sorry if this is too narrative or something, but I always feel better when I write stuff to other people.

    Back to the original question, is me feeling suicidal or depressed (which happens a couple times a week, I don't really keep track) normal? Or should I be doing something?
  2. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Hey ngoc, welcome. I wouldn't call it normal exactly but you definitely aren't the only one, it's becoming increasingly frequent in teenagers these days even while the average person's IQ is on the rise. If you don't think you're in danger of actually taking some serious action and attempting to off yourself I think you should just find someone to talk to about it when the thoughts arise so you can get it off of your chest and feel heard. If you think your life might be in danger it might be best to visit a counselor. They get a lot of flack for being useless but there are a few good ones out there. A friend of mine was feeling overwhelmed by her overbearing parents that were hellbent on getting her into a good university and broke down crying in her counselor's office. She says the woman that counseled her helped a lot and she got some good advice as to what to do next.
  3. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    so do what you like ignore him but always have a backup go to collage and further your education and then do what you want set up a safety net.
  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Pursue drumming, but don't limit your options. Don't worry about your old man. He's projecting the dreams he never fulfulled onto you. My parents did the same to me. And look how I turned out! A suicidal mess!

    Seriously, at least you have the drums. I never stuck with any musical instrument, although I did sing in a hardcore band.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to sit your dad down and explain what this is doing to you. If he doesn't want to listen then tell him he is pushing you away because you are doing your best. My brother did that with his daughter. She had all kinds of different schollar ships and has kind of quit school . She keeps taking breaks because she is insecure with relationships so she sleeps with any one who shows interest in her. I think she does it to hurt him back for all the years he yelled at her and told her she wasn't going to grow up to be anything. I wish you luck with your dad!!Take Care!!~Joseph~
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