upset and hurting badly right now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Nov 25, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i want to die so much right now..


    why cant people see that i dont tell lies anymore? when are you ever going to stop making me remember my stupid past? my trailor did burn down but i have come to realize that someone here said i lied and it did not happen or rather things just dont ad up???

    you want proff it burnt? go to it and look at it.. it is gone.. from where the bathroom is to the front where the tongue is is completly gone nothing but a small portion of the frame and floor, the back bedroom is still standing but gutted out and almost completly burnt up..

    want more proof call the overton county police department about it.. ask for officer john mackie.. he works from 7 pm to ??? his badge number is 118.. ask him if he responded to a trailor fire on shady lane on friday november 16 2007 because he did go there and he did write in the report that it was a total loss.. i have a copy of the report and i think its public and can be seen by pulic if not i can send a copy to you if thats what it will take.. the officer 118 put the addy of the fire at 111 because thats where the 911 call came in at.. i had a hard time getting a copy of the report myself because it was under 111 shady lane instead of 113 shady lane.. the officer made a mistake of two numbers.. just two dang numbers.. the lady in the officer i asked her to look for a fire at shady lane then and thats when she found it under 111 shady lane..

    when are you people ever going to leave my stinking stupid past alone? tell me when? you honestly think i would lie about my home burning? if you think im that type a person then what good am i here alive on earth.. things happen to me all the time.. i never asked for my home to be burnt.. i never asked for anything that has happened to me.. you assume things dont ad up.. well they dont and your right but then you got to realize i am dealing with overton county which is crooked.. go on ask the minister david dalton, if you ever run into him.. he can tell you that it is cause he witnessed it first hand in the courthouse with me one day... he knows there crooked and dont do things right. thats why i say it probably will never be truly investigated right.. the guy who did it will get away with arson and probably do it again to someone else..

    what more proof.. i have been determined to find out how it started? what started it? where it started at living room, kitchen etc but so far no luck because im just stupid old me and they dont give a damn about me.. i lost everything.. i lost my funiture , my trophies, an antique organ, a preasent my mom gave me just before she pased away.. they cant be replaced at all. i posted the two following at LSN because i want the person who did this caught and behind bars.. i want justic but it is never going to happen.. not to me cause things dont ever go right for me...


    http://www.golsn.com/listings/community_calendar/announcements/200562.html


    i will keep this here at the local sales network until i found out who did this and until someone goes to jail for burning my home down.

    here is an earlier one i posted the next day after the fire.

    http://www.golsn.com/listings/community_calendar/announcements/198776.html

    if these links dont work then when you get online at LSN in the search put in arson or seeking info or cash reward..

    i am determined to see who did this behind bars..

    it hurts and im, hurting . im upset and angry that people here call me a liar and say its not true.. well by grabe it is true.. my home burnt completly down.. there were no lights to it, no electric pole , and someone wenmt there set fire to it to hurt me and it burnt.. i will keep that on LSN forever until i get the one who did it behind bars and if the law dont do anything about it i sure as hell will... im tired, angry , hurt , upset, want to die because of all this and i would not care a bit to take the law into my own hands and do something about it.. im trying my best to not get upset, or angry but it makes me mad.

    the most it hurts me is because others here call me a liar i have proff damn it.. you want a copy of the report.. send me your addy and i will mail to you, or go by the police department and pick one up..

    i just want to die.. you all are never going to let me leave my past behind me.. are you??? i might as well be dead heck its the only way for you and everyone else who calls me a liar to put this out of my life is for me to be dead
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    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2007
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    :hug: Please don't hurt yourself honey.

    I know that you do not tell lies. I can't believe that anyone would accuse you of doing such a thing... it's... I can't... not you, White Dove, you're such a good person...

    Please. I care. If this was a fair world, I would fix everything for you. But I feel helpless because I can't. THe most I can do for you is sit in front of my computer screen and take your pain away, calm you down, help you out... but I physically cannot do anything. And I want to so badly. :sad:

    :hug: Hold on tight, White Dove. We'll make it through this storm together, okay? I'm here.
     
  3. urban_lily

    urban_lily Well-Known Member

    hi....

    I dont know you and I dont know anything about your past so I cant make any comment on that and anyway, I'm not here to judge.

    I'm sorry that this has happened to you and that you feel the way you do....I'm sure it's not worth dying over and I think once you calm down you'll realise the same :)

    There are plenty of people willing to listen on this forum and it's here for you so you can have a bit of a rant and get it out of your system.

    I do hope things work out for you and that you are getting all the help possible.

    Best wishes ~X~
     
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    i did a time or two in my past tell a lie or two .. i was all screwed up then and now i want that past to stay that way.. i dont want it ever brought back up again but everytime i say something or let others know about something that has happened or is happening to me.. they have to check it out and if things dont ad up they accuse me of lying.. like with my trailor burning down.. no doubt in my mind someone from here called down there and asked if a home had burnt at 113 shady lane and no doubt in my mind the lady on duty looked in the computer and said no , nothing at 113 shady lane,, well its not listed under 113 shady lane.. it listed under 111 shady lane.. the office who came out wrote the incident at 111 because thats where the call came in at , the 911 call came in from the neighbors at 111 .. when i went down to get a copy of the report the lady could not find it for me.. because i had said 113 shady lane , so then i asked her to look under shady lane and she did.. it was under 111 shady lane.. now because the officer made a mistake of 2 dang numbers , everyone thinks this is a lie too.. well its not damn it.. i lost my home. it burnt down to the ground.. it was arson. call the police department and ask they will tell you it burnt.. they will tell you it was my home listed under my name susan .... they will also tell you its listed as 111 because thats where the call came in..

    god i just dont know how to handel things anymore... people accuse and accuse without even thinking of my feelings that my home burnt down.. everything i had had in storage was moved to this home.. its all gone and all they care about is if its a lie or truth.. you want proof? go to the address yourself.. take a look at whats left of my home, then tell me im lying... go call the police department at the number listed in the ad, talk with 118 go tell him he did not respond to a trailor fire and see what he says..
     
  5. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    :hug: Well, I think the fact of the matter is we all lie sometimes. It's human nature...

    But telling a few does not make you a liar. And you are most certianly not one.

    :hug: I know you are hurting, honey, and legally speaking, there is not much I can do. You can only try some more because I am at a loss here. I'm only sixteen and I don't know much about law.

    :hug: Just keep holding on sweetie. And remember that I love ya.
     
  6. urban_lily

    urban_lily Well-Known Member

    it's ok pet, we believe you.

    When I was younger I told a lot of lies to my parents....it took them a long time to be able to trust me again but now I have built it back up. I still feel guilty about all the lies I told but there's not really much I can do about that now.

    If people dont believe you then sod 'em! You know what happened and that's all that matters....no point in getting worked up about it....and anyway, who are these people that arent believing you? Do they even matter to you?

    Maybe you just need to vent and let it all out....work away ;)
     
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    pisces :hug:

    urban lily.. i like your username :hug:

    maybe i do need to let off some steam.. i almost lost membership here because of this.. someone telling managment its not true.. they dont even know just how wrong they are.. i hope managment contacts the police there and lets others know i did not lie...

    told me not to worry about it.. which i dont but it hurts me .. it really hurts because others want to keep me remembering my past.. im trying not to .. i am trying to go on with what little time i have left but its so dang hard to do when others try to force me deeper into this hole im in...

    i want my home back... i want my funiture back.. i want my grandmas organ back... it all got burnt up and its not fair.. its not fair for me to suffer this anymore.. its not fair for me to hurt like this anymore..

    i cant stop the tears.. i feel as if i have been abandoned, i feel like God hates me.. why did it have to happen to me? why? why? why did God allow an arsonist to burn it down? why??
     
  8. urban_lily

    urban_lily Well-Known Member

    Pet, I know it hurts and I know it's hard....it must be devasting for you to lose everything like that but you can get through this and you will.

    You havent been abandoned and I'm sure God doesnt hate you....it's just a terrible tradgedy.

    If you dont mind me asking, where are you staying at the moment? Is there anyone in your life who can help and support you through this?

    Try not to let these people get to ok (I know, easier said than done!)

    I expect I'll be on here for a while longer and I'm happy to chat, listen etc if you think it will help.

    ~X~

    PS thanks for the comment about my username! :D
     
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    im still in this little camper... been living in this little one bedroom camper for a long time.. ever since 1997.. the mobile home was bigger. it was a 14 x 70 and i paid 2700 for it on payments.. was going to pull it over here to hook it up and live in it so i could get out of this camper..

    back in 1995 had a good job, good life, big home, new car.. someone got hurt at the place i worked at. job shut down. lost my big mobile in november of 1996.. 2 days before thanksgiving they came and repoed my home.. funiture i had then got ruint by weather because they throwed it all outside.. nephew gave me this camper and i have lived in it ever since. through the years i bought more funiture and some were gave to me. i had them in storage along with all my trophies. nephew got this home when he got married, 3 years later divorced and sold me the 14 x 70 home.. got it paid off and moved my things out of storage so they would be in the home when it got moved here then last friday november 16, it got burnt by arson... everything i had in it is gone.. my grandmas antque organ, my trophies, a little sterio with 5 inch tv got burnt so bad it will never work again.. it was in the back bedroom.. i am going to go take photos and post them online when i get money to buy a camera and get my car fixed.. will take a photo of whats left of my home, my tv / sterio mom gave me, whats left of it, etc..

    tragedy.. i go through it all the time.. people have often said or rather several times people would tell me that no one goes through tragedies all the time.. well there wrong because i do.. and i want it to stop.. it wont stop until im dead.. God doesnt love me. no one does.. if he did he would not let these things happen to me all the time.. Satan is even trying to make it where i cant even be a member here by telling managment it did not happen and that it was a lie.. but it did happen.. all they got to do is call the police or go by the place and look at it.

    nothing ever goes right for me.. everythime i try to get ahead i get pushed more futher down.. its like its one step forward and 10 steps backword for me. i cant fight this anymore.. i dont see how i can...

    this is the worst thanksgiving and will be the worst christmas i will ever have if i evev make it to christmas..
     
  10. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sweetheart, i know nothing i can do to help but i am thinking of you in your time of need.
    all my love, hugs and prayers are with you hun.

    take care
     
  11. urban_lily

    urban_lily Well-Known Member

    people do go through tradgedies...some seem to more than others...some cope better with them than others...it's just one of those things (I'm a person who seems to have lots of tradgedy and not cope well!).

    Personally, I dont really want to comment on God or satan...I dont feel it's my place to and I dont think any feelings I have on the subject will be helpful to you....however, you are not alone....you can get support on this forum....I'm sure there are other places you can get support as well (afraid I dont know anywhere off hand though).

    It is horrible that you have lost all your stuff...I think I would be devasted if that happened to me and I know it's hard but hurting yourself over something like that is just not worth it....I know it must be upsetting for you (understatement!!) but you must remember that it was just 'stuff'....thank goodness there was no one in there that could have got hurt or worse.

    Do you have anyone you can stay with for Thanksgiving? and/or Christmas?

    I know this seems so hard right now....maybe too hard...but you can make it through
     
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