Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Mirikun, Oct 14, 2011.

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  1. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member

    Hi SF,

    I'm usually quite a positive person, but I'm feeling a lot of weight right now. I think I just need to talk about what's been going on or something, I don't know.

    Just about a month ago, I moved from Germany to England for university and I'm living in university accommodation where I have a bedroom and bathroom to myself, but share a kitchen with other people on the floor. People in my kitchen are quite nice. However, I just feel that I... Really, really don't fit in. Every night, people in the halls, right in front of my door are drinking heavily, playing incredibly loud music, etc. This continues until about 4 am every morning, and they are getting horrible drunk and ''having fun''. The thing is, the official rule here is ''no audible noise after 11 pm''. I'm really not a huge partier. I have nothing against them being loud until 11, or even 12 or 1. But it's come to the point where, at 4 am, they are breaking glass all over the floor outside, banging on my door and shouting to an extent that I almost feel threatened. I cannot get myself to go out and tell them to quieten down. Every morning I leave my room to find the hall and kitchen littered with empty wine bottles and beer cans, and nobody ever does their washing up.

    All together, I just hate it here. I feel so uncomfortable in such an environment, and I now avoid leaving my room at all. I think the main problem is, haha, that these people are actually quite nice. When I meet them in the kitchen during the day we have friendly chats, and then when they apologise about being noisy I just say ''Oh, don't worry, it's fine! I don't mind! :)'' because.. I don't even know. Now I feel like I'd rather not eat than go to the kitchen.

    Now I just spend all day sitting in my room. I'm so frustrated because I know the floors downstairs have it quiet and friendly (and people keep the kitchens relatively clean). I have some friends on other floors, and we sometimes meet up for dinner downstairs, which is nice.

    Urgh... I don't know. I just really need to get out of here. I can't really pin down what exactly it is about it that's making me so miserable. I just feel horrible, and I've just sat in my room crying since last night. I'm just so unhappy here.

    Added to this, I have 0 money right now. Nothing at all. Four weeks ago, my bank said my account will be all fixed up and done in ''one week''. I've finally got the account open since last week, but now I'm sitting here, waiting for my card and pin. I've transferred money into the account from Germany, and it's just sitting there. I'm here, staring at all the money I have, with no way of accessing it. All I have to eat is baked beans, lol. I really hope they hurry up. I'm starving.

    My mum actually just e-mailed me suggesting that I move out, because I am really not doing well right now. She linked me to some places where I can rent a room, in a shared house, for cheaper than what I'm paying now. I really don't want this. I just can't. If I could move in with friends I would, but they all have their houses and accommodation sorted already. I cannot stand the thought of me having to /again/ move in with people I don't know. I've found a flat where I'd love to live, by myself, but the price is a bit steep. I can afford it, but I know my parents would be disappointed... They want me to get to know people and socialise. Right now I just can't live with anyone I don't know. I need my own space.

    Last night was the first night I seriously thought about killing myself again. I mean, I think about suicide all the time, that's why I'm here, but... It's been a long time since I've actually considered it seriously. I started self-harming again for the first time in 6 months last week, too. I can't believe myself.

    Thinking about this just makes me feel so pathetic. Everyone has such horrible stories of abuse or whatever, and something stupid and small like this is just killing me. I really don't know what to do.

    I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice here or not. The thing is, I know that what I want to do is move out and live alone or with my friends for now. I really don't know...

    I think I just had to get that out. Hah.
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    You first said that you mum suggested that it would be a good idea for you to move out and find somewhere quieter to live, and then you say that you feel you would disappoint your parents if you did that, which, in combination with what you said about the drinking and all night partying going on, isn't really giving you a good frame of mind to think clearly, let alone focus on your studies by day, so perhaps what you mum said about moving out is a good idea.
    If you are unable to work on your courses where you are now without having to go through all ofmthat every night and getting stressed to the point where you think killing yourself is the only eay out, then perhaps it woukd be a good idea to pack yourself up and move to that nice little unit you mentioned, where you would be afforded the peqce and calm to get down to your studies without all of the hastle of being kept awake 24 hours a day or getting edgy about dealing with people the next day over a simple thing like having to cook brekky?
    It might be out of the way and will not let you socialise as much as your current living arrangement does, but in the long run, aren't your studies the more important thing in your life? And who is to say that you can't get out on the weekends or whenever you have free time to pop down and catch a movie or go dining with your mates? i'm fairly sure your parents wouldn't feel disappointed that you moved out, when you've already gone to all the trouble of spending the last 18 odd years of your life buckling down in school to achieve good grades then studying overseas in a fine English university all so you can land that job you've worked so hard for.
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I attempted while at university so I know where you're coming from - and it's absolutely not pathetic in any way.

    Universities normally have a counselling service on campus - have you considered that? Also if you have a personal tutor (or someone of a similar title!) they might be a good person to talk about so that you can keep on top of things academically while you're getting yourself sorted.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this further...
  4. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for your replies!

    I will discuss it with my parents and hopefully I can move out by myself. I just feel that they will convince me to move in with new people again, in hope that I'll be luckier this time. I'm just feeling a bit of a mess right now! I think I'll definitely try and find somewhere to live alone.

    I've been to the university's counselling service already, and I have weekly appointments there now, which I think will help me a lot! I've been there once so far, and it was very friendly.
  5. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    That's good - as long as you find a situation that's right for you - then that's all that matters...again - if you want to talk I'm here.
  6. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Wherever you go, you'll always find yurself surrounded by idiots, some more so than others. Just as you say, it's the luck of the draw, but here's hoping you manage in whatever you end up being able to do! :bubbles:
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'd been in college with the same roommate for two years without too much trouble but he decided he wanted a single room, which i couldn't afford, so i was put in an off-campus apartment with 2 new people i didn't know who would turn out to be horrible - took my things, locked me out of my room, leave nasty mind-screwing messages for me - and all this was after i helped them move things, build a wall, teach them how to paint (yeah - neither of them knew you needed to stir a can of paint before using it - that should have been a red flag right there)

    in the end, neither of us handled it well - i should have gone to the RA but decided to do things that today would have me placed in anger management if not jail - RAs got involved after my roommates pushed my girlfriend and physically threatened me in the lobby - they were football player wannabees and (at the time) i was all of 120 pounds soaking wet but ready to give them a bloody go right there and then - and when you were my size you learned to fight dirty - it would have been a real mess - guys behind the counter had to literally jump in to keep us apart

    RA was really cool, helped me get my things back and moved to another apartment with someone who was a lot easier to get along with - i had to offer a vague apology (because i knew better than to go into specifics) but i could live with it - like i said we were all out of line

    if university can help place you somewhere else this year, give it a try but you should also feel out any friends you make on campus and see if they would like a new roomate or can introduce you to someone else who's looking
  8. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member

    Thanks again, guys! ;;
    I've discussed it with a few people now and I've calmed down a lot now. Before I do anything drastic I'm going to see if I can move to a different floor in the building.

    Wastingecho - Wow, so sorry you had to go through all of that! That sounds horrible. D8
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