Hi SF, I'm usually quite a positive person, but I'm feeling a lot of weight right now. I think I just need to talk about what's been going on or something, I don't know. Just about a month ago, I moved from Germany to England for university and I'm living in university accommodation where I have a bedroom and bathroom to myself, but share a kitchen with other people on the floor. People in my kitchen are quite nice. However, I just feel that I... Really, really don't fit in. Every night, people in the halls, right in front of my door are drinking heavily, playing incredibly loud music, etc. This continues until about 4 am every morning, and they are getting horrible drunk and ''having fun''. The thing is, the official rule here is ''no audible noise after 11 pm''. I'm really not a huge partier. I have nothing against them being loud until 11, or even 12 or 1. But it's come to the point where, at 4 am, they are breaking glass all over the floor outside, banging on my door and shouting to an extent that I almost feel threatened. I cannot get myself to go out and tell them to quieten down. Every morning I leave my room to find the hall and kitchen littered with empty wine bottles and beer cans, and nobody ever does their washing up. All together, I just hate it here. I feel so uncomfortable in such an environment, and I now avoid leaving my room at all. I think the main problem is, haha, that these people are actually quite nice. When I meet them in the kitchen during the day we have friendly chats, and then when they apologise about being noisy I just say ''Oh, don't worry, it's fine! I don't mind! '' because.. I don't even know. Now I feel like I'd rather not eat than go to the kitchen. Now I just spend all day sitting in my room. I'm so frustrated because I know the floors downstairs have it quiet and friendly (and people keep the kitchens relatively clean). I have some friends on other floors, and we sometimes meet up for dinner downstairs, which is nice. Urgh... I don't know. I just really need to get out of here. I can't really pin down what exactly it is about it that's making me so miserable. I just feel horrible, and I've just sat in my room crying since last night. I'm just so unhappy here. Added to this, I have 0 money right now. Nothing at all. Four weeks ago, my bank said my account will be all fixed up and done in ''one week''. I've finally got the account open since last week, but now I'm sitting here, waiting for my card and pin. I've transferred money into the account from Germany, and it's just sitting there. I'm here, staring at all the money I have, with no way of accessing it. All I have to eat is baked beans, lol. I really hope they hurry up. I'm starving. My mum actually just e-mailed me suggesting that I move out, because I am really not doing well right now. She linked me to some places where I can rent a room, in a shared house, for cheaper than what I'm paying now. I really don't want this. I just can't. If I could move in with friends I would, but they all have their houses and accommodation sorted already. I cannot stand the thought of me having to /again/ move in with people I don't know. I've found a flat where I'd love to live, by myself, but the price is a bit steep. I can afford it, but I know my parents would be disappointed... They want me to get to know people and socialise. Right now I just can't live with anyone I don't know. I need my own space. Last night was the first night I seriously thought about killing myself again. I mean, I think about suicide all the time, that's why I'm here, but... It's been a long time since I've actually considered it seriously. I started self-harming again for the first time in 6 months last week, too. I can't believe myself. Thinking about this just makes me feel so pathetic. Everyone has such horrible stories of abuse or whatever, and something stupid and small like this is just killing me. I really don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice here or not. The thing is, I know that what I want to do is move out and live alone or with my friends for now. I really don't know... I think I just had to get that out. Hah.