upsetting thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aguy, Dec 3, 2006.

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  1. aguy

    aguy Guest

    i've never in my entire life posted in a forum and i never thought i would. i wake up each morning i wake up without feeling any real attachment to life, i see everyone around me being completely happy and enjoying life but i cant seem to feel the same. i constantly fake any sort of joy that i should be feeling. i cant remember the last time i have ever felt happy or even content, dark thoughts constantly enter my mind through out the course of a day and i cant get rid of them. i feel like people live because they have something to look forward to, something to anticipate, something to finish, some sort of goal to reach. i dont have any, i have spent the last 8 years trying to find something to hold me here but i have been unsuccessful. i feel empty, i feel like my existance is pointless, i feel like every decision have made in my entire life has been bad, i feel like everyone around me hates me, i feel likei am alone, i feel like there is no point to living if i can only feel bad, and i am the only person that i know who feels this way. i apologize for grammar and the lack of fluency in this message i'd appreciate any input.
  2. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    You are not alone. Everybody fakes it sometimes. We put on a brave face so we do not inconvenience others. But know that each and every one of us goes through these emotions. I can't help you feel better about your life, I can only say that it will get better, and when it does, you will be grateful that you held on. God bless you.
  3. silentsoul

    silentsoul Member

    Hi, I am new here too... and its like I have written the above post myself. Please find some comfort in knowing you are SO not alone. I am a mum of two... THIS is my reason for living! But that said, my head too is constantly consumed with dark thoughts. To others I live a normal life but on the inside there is this constant tug. I have felt like this for about 5 years now. But you, like me and others on this site, must continue to take one day at a time whilst leaning on those who care and understand your pain and emptiness. And here everyone can truly empathise with your pain, unlike the rest of the world who 'appear' to be totally oblivious. If we don't keep searching and if we give up, then we will never be rid of these feelings, you know only too well, the feelings will follow you wherever you go. Admitedly I find increasingly less pleasure in other people, but I have learnt to appreciate the true beauty around us... in nature, the flowers, the trees and the silence with which I can sit and enjoy them. This can really have a calming influence if you just allow yourself to take alittle time out to just sit and observe. Because we DO live in a beautiful world, its just full of ugly people.
    I too feel like I sit separate to the rest of the world, peering in, watching all these shallow people go about their days. Life is not just for looking forward to, life is simply a routine, everything we do is a routine.... but we seem to operate on a far deeper level than the rest of the world, we want more than just a routine, we want a reason. Posting here wasn't a bad decision... I hope it helps you realise that your feelings are normal.

    Just take one day at a time...

    If things can get no worse then they can only get better...

    Thinking of you xxx
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