i've never in my entire life posted in a forum and i never thought i would. i wake up each morning i wake up without feeling any real attachment to life, i see everyone around me being completely happy and enjoying life but i cant seem to feel the same. i constantly fake any sort of joy that i should be feeling. i cant remember the last time i have ever felt happy or even content, dark thoughts constantly enter my mind through out the course of a day and i cant get rid of them. i feel like people live because they have something to look forward to, something to anticipate, something to finish, some sort of goal to reach. i dont have any, i have spent the last 8 years trying to find something to hold me here but i have been unsuccessful. i feel empty, i feel like my existance is pointless, i feel like every decision have made in my entire life has been bad, i feel like everyone around me hates me, i feel likei am alone, i feel like there is no point to living if i can only feel bad, and i am the only person that i know who feels this way. i apologize for grammar and the lack of fluency in this message i'd appreciate any input.