Basically, I'm a guy.. in my early teens I thought I was into girls. Then I 'noticed' guys and believed I was into them. I came out as gay at 19 which I hugely regret. I've dated quite a few guys, and recently got into a relationship with one. We've only known each other for a week and a half, but spent pretty much every day together since. 2 days ago we went 'official' and became 'in a relationship' on facebook. I told my family. He told loads of people about me. I've met his friends and briefly his dad. He met my sister, and I made arrangements for him to meet others. I thought I was falling in love with him - it was all perfect - the cuddling, kissing etc. Things became sexual last night. It felt really wrong to me. I feel dirty and gross. I've never truly felt attraction to a guy, and to be honest I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone - male or female. Possibly ever. I don't like the commitment, and I've never got anything out of being with anyone. I even find sex to be quite gross. I don't want to be with him. But I've kept reassuring him that I really like him, which I thought I did at first. But we've moved too fast and I can't do it any more. I don't want to be with him, or anyone. I appreciate being by myself now. Being with ANYONE feels wrong to me. I really don't want to hurt him. And I'm going to look like a fool to everyone. I liked the cuddling, kissing and stuff at first. But when it got to the sex I realised I don't see him in that way. I don't know what I want, or who (male or female) I want it with.. and honestly I don't think I want any of it. What should I do??? How should I do it??? I feel terrible right now and have been thinking of OD'ing again, which may sound stupid but that has become my easy way out. Also, we live in a small town and I see him everywhere. He's even asked me to volunteer at the charity shop he volunteers at, but I can't do that now either. The previous guys I dated all lived in other towns so I never had to worry about dealing with it afterwards. I feel like vomiting.