Urgent advice needed. :( Please help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pogosticker, Mar 6, 2012.

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  1. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    Basically, I'm a guy.. in my early teens I thought I was into girls. Then I 'noticed' guys and believed I was into them. I came out as gay at 19 which I hugely regret. I've dated quite a few guys, and recently got into a relationship with one. We've only known each other for a week and a half, but spent pretty much every day together since. 2 days ago we went 'official' and became 'in a relationship' on facebook. I told my family. He told loads of people about me. I've met his friends and briefly his dad. He met my sister, and I made arrangements for him to meet others. I thought I was falling in love with him - it was all perfect - the cuddling, kissing etc.

    Things became sexual last night. It felt really wrong to me. I feel dirty and gross. I've never truly felt attraction to a guy, and to be honest I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone - male or female. Possibly ever. I don't like the commitment, and I've never got anything out of being with anyone. I even find sex to be quite gross.

    I don't want to be with him. But I've kept reassuring him that I really like him, which I thought I did at first. But we've moved too fast and I can't do it any more. I don't want to be with him, or anyone. I appreciate being by myself now. Being with ANYONE feels wrong to me.

    I really don't want to hurt him. And I'm going to look like a fool to everyone.

    I liked the cuddling, kissing and stuff at first. But when it got to the sex I realised I don't see him in that way. I don't know what I want, or who (male or female) I want it with.. and honestly I don't think I want any of it.

    What should I do??? How should I do it??? I feel terrible right now and have been thinking of OD'ing again, which may sound stupid but that has become my easy way out.

    Also, we live in a small town and I see him everywhere. He's even asked me to volunteer at the charity shop he volunteers at, but I can't do that now either. The previous guys I dated all lived in other towns so I never had to worry about dealing with it afterwards. :(

    I feel like vomiting.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    You should probably tell him, maybe not using 'dirty and gross', but say that you just need time, something like that. Is does sound like things are moving quite fast and you are allowed to tell him you need it to slow down, then take it from there.
  3. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello. I would personally be honest with him. Explain you are just lonely and confused and that now you have tried being with him you realize its not for you. Make sure you make it clear that you don't judge him, and would like to remail friends. You just need some space. Your still pretty young so no one can fairly expect you to know what you want right now. I was the same with chicks when I was younger. But sex alwaysfelt wrong and unsatisfying to me. We are all just trying to figure everything out. Life is a learning experience. Don't take everything in life so personal. Take it in stride and look at it for what it is. A learning experience. Hope this helps.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Maybe it's just happened too fast. Whether a person is gay, straight, or bi, moving into a sexual relationship can be a big step. I agree with Windlepoons that you could explain that it's moving too fast for you - you'd like to slow it down (or end it, if that's what you want). If you continue to see each other, and it doesn't progress comfortably into a relationship with sex, and you don't want it to, you can reassess and explain then that things don't seem to be working out. Wishing you all the best. :hug:
  5. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    It sounds to me like you're burned out, which can happen in any relationship when you're spending every waking moment together for weeks on end, especially when you're young and alone time is more important. But it also seems like you haven't fully decided on your sexual orientation and maybe took things a little too quickly in that regard. You thought you were sure but in reality you might still be in the experimenting mindset. You could be an experimental straight, bi, or gay and just haven't come to terms with it but you definitely need more time to figure that out and that's what you should ask for. Time. Tell your boyfriend you need a few days for yourself. With a few days you can distance yourself from him and eventually break up if you really want to end it, but just asking for some alone time - without necessarily telling him it's over - will also leave you the option of coming back if you decide that you really are gay/bi and that he's for you.

    I hope you figure it out.
  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    pogosticker please do not overdose now.. that would probably give you more problems you do not need now.. are you still in school now??? you need someone older adn wiser and more experienced to talk with now.. do you have now a therapist or doctor??? many people also feel the same as you about close intimacy with others.. there might be real reasons why you currently have these feelings.. you are young and got time to work at all of this..

    with a bit of discretion and care with this other male , would tell him that this is just too much , too soon now..sorry but this is way it got to be now to him..take care
  7. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the helpful advice and kind words all. :)

    I ended up telling him things were moving too fast. He asked if we're still together.. I couldn't let him down, so I said yes I just wanted to cool off a bit. We're now gonna see each other less and see how things go. I don't expect things to change, but I'll see how it goes.

    Also, re: my depression.. gonna ask my doc if I can go back on my anti-depressants. I'm starting to feel like I'm losing control of myself again, and if I don't do something about it I'm scared of what I might do.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm glad you've realised you've a problem and are going back on your anti depressants. As for me I've just buried one of my best friends today and all I can say is please don't OD, you don't realise the carnage and what you're leaving behind, much love, lynn xox
  9. Kaganovich

    Kaganovich Active Member

    I think you're talking about a few different problems here. There is a difference between sexuality and sex itself. Adding depression to the mix doesn't help! These things take time to sort out so just remember that the fewer regrets you have the better, take everything in your own time.
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