Urgent. I do not know what to do, please read

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by **The_End_Is_Nigh**, Nov 10, 2010.

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  1. I will be online waiting for replies so please don’t think ow he won’t get this sooner but I will, thanks guys.

    Introduction about my past:

    I have a past which includes being mentally and physically abused by my father from the age of 6-14 years old and left home when I was 14 years old and lived with my grandparents for a year in a rented bungalow so I was free from him but because of the rent being increased they decided to invest in a house when I was 15 years old.

    This was when my nightmare started because my grandparents thought it would be a good idea to move just down the road from my abusive father and mother how wrong they were! Since the day we moved into the house my father has constantly stalked me whether it be in a car, on foot, on a bike, standing on a public footpath or standing on top of his drive way looking down at our house.

    Every time I pull my curtains he tries to see if he can see me from the top of his drive, in the car, or on foot, when I go to places with my grandparents my father is there just staring at us and even when I am out and about he purposely tries to look for me and has found me on quite a few occasions whether it be in Tenpin Bowling or an Adventure Park he would be there.

    The Huge Problem:

    Last Thursday my father decided to do something so stupid it could decide his fate for the worse, but he deserves it! At 9:24am I was on foot walking past my neighbour’s house when my father drove from the left hand side and stopped opposite of my neighbour’s house and stared at me until I continued to walk around the corner of the estate.

    My intuition told me that he is going to cut though the estate and approach me from the top of the road and which is another 5 minutes from the bus stop so I decided to get some video evidence. 10 seconds after recording the top corner he drove down the road stopped a drives length from me then reversed back wound down the window and said what is wrong? Are you alright? What do you think you are doing? And I love you son?

    I had no chance but to confront him and said Stop Harassing me, Stop Stalking me, If you do not leave I will take you to Court and told him to go to Hell! He left straight away but slowly! Those extra 5 minutes walk were like walking through hell and back not knowing whether he would be coming back or not.

    He even told my mother what he did!? And she has warned him 1000 times over the period of 11 years (I’m 26 now) to STOP Stalking Me!!!! When I arrived into town from the bus stop I decided to walk to the Police Station and tell them what happened as I am not feeling safe as I know he could harm me badly. Unfortunately my Anxiety and stress was so high I could not get myself to walk into the station and tell them what happened and to give them the video evidence.

    The Question:

    I had to tell a huge lie to my grandparents as my grandma was the one who told my mother that I always catch the 9:35am bus whilst he was in the house in the first place. The lie was that “I went to the police station, told them everything including the child abuse etc! I am now under police protection and have their direct number and they have got my mobile phone as did not know how to take the video evidence off and the police will be seeing him during this week.

    It has almost been a week since the incident happened and not sure how long I can maintain the lie for so he does not continue to stalk me. I am very scared for my safety and wellbeing as I know he is either going to do something crazy even more then stalking! I was looking forward to seeing my CBT therapist today but was told I had an appointment to see her next week on Wednesday so I got the date wrong, damn it.

    Since Monday I have been planning on leaving home for good and stay in a B&B (for safety reasons) for a month so I can start arranging and planning a new life anywhere in the UK “BUT” I need some help planning it and that is where my therapist comes into it, but can I hold off until next Wednesday???? And will my escape strategy work without her help????
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You go to a shelter for protection okay they protect people that are abused Look in phone book they will have some numbers you can call or call police they will get you set up in a shelter as well so you are safe.
  3. Prophet

    Prophet Well-Known Member

    I would advise you to put into place the original police plan.

    I understand you panicked and couldn't go into the station at the time, this is perfectly normal for someone in your situation, you've been the victim or terrible crimes and the fear for your safety will cause high stress.

    Your grandparents sound like caring people, they will understand the pressure you are under and why you said what you said. You fear for your safety and this need to be resolved. The police are there to protect you and your grandparents are there to support you.

    Please don't run away from this, you will spend your whole life looking over your shoulder. Your father needs to answer for his crimes. When this is being dealt with and you can have some real safety in your life, then you can work better getting the help you want from your therapist.
  4. Thanks for the advice guys but my grandma is resposible for this event so I can not trust her! as soon as I tell her I was lying to her she will automatically tell my mucked up mother and then he could do something much worse which includes phisical violence just by getting out of his car or approaching me on foot! This is a new feeling for me being scared for my welbeing as I am normally surrounded by feelings of Anxiety, Depression, OCD and Stress.

    Thanks ~violet~ looking for numbers now, I am still shit scared of calling or seeing the police as my family have always taught me to hate them and not to trust them.

    Damn the human race for having feelings if only god created us like robots without feelings and just gave us strength to do what we need to do to live a pleasent and full filling life.

    How long do you think it will take everybody to find out that I am lying to them? surely there is a procedure that the police need to take before questioning the wrong dooers or abusers??
  5. I am scared to go back home tonight but at least I have put my father on ice for a while as he has been told that if he does anything wrong the police will be there within a few minutes of him stalking me because of the so called police protection.
  6. If I do not get lucky with the protection numbers that is.
  7. Prophet

    Prophet Well-Known Member

    The police won't do anything to endanger you during their investigations. I understand you've had an upbringing to not like the police.

    I promise you they are there to protect you, I have family members who are and have been police officers, they have a duty of care to the public.

    The people at the shelter will be able to advise and support you on your next steps. They won't let you get hurt, nor will the police. The support you need is out there, keep taking these positive steps and we're on here aswell to offer support.
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you might want to check this out

    National Helpline: 01823 334244

    If you are a man suffering Domestic Abuse or Domestic Violence.
    ManKind helps and advises male victims of domestic violence.

    In the US, you could get a restraining order on him. No evidence necessary. Don't know how it works in the UK, but maybe the same?

    Could you bring someone with you to help make it easier to go to the police?

    wishing you safety and peace!
  9. Updated Information....

    I saw my CBT Therapist and her advice was “Do not let your father win there for I will not need to leave Exeter, I should go to Tenerife with my grandparents for the 10 days from 19th November to relax which means it will be a month when we come back from when my father stalked me and I really do not know if he will find out about me lying to them about being protected be the Police as surely they would have visited my horrible parents house to ask them questions etc. To build a case against my father, there for he could stalk me twice as hard even to the extent of getting out of the car and maybe hitting and kicking me.

    Then we will look into some stuff such as an injunction against him, maybe go to the Police Station and tell them everything about abusing me as a child and stalking me for 12 years none stop!” But I bet she is trying to hustle me into staying in Exeter because I pay her £50 per hour, per two weeks so £100 a month.

    But my intuition tells me to go into a B&B for a month and search for a place that is a day or two’s trip from Exeter then leave Exeter and start a new life without my stalker of a father and my mucked up family which means no trip to Tenerife but instead I get freedom! Or should I go to Tenerife just to get away from all the troubles and start fresh on the 30th November when we come back?? Should I take that chance?

    I suppose another reason why I am hesitant in going to the Police Station is that if there is a case against him which I am sure there is, it means that it could take three years or more to convict him and either put him behind bars or getting a proper injunction against him and I could have spent those three years in building up my new life away from Exeter without the stalker or my mucked up family, Urgh! What am I going to do? Does Tenerife sound like a good idea or is it to good to be true?

    Kind Regards,

  10. jasonkramer

    jasonkramer Well-Known Member

    i say talk to the police. if you really dont want to actually talk to them then at least write everything down and give them the paper. they need some idea of whats going on. the more history they have the better they can determine what to do.

    also why cant you file charges and leave at the same time?

    also think of what will happen if he finds out you lied about the cops after you left. if i were him it would give me a reason to do as i pleased to you. its best not to lie about stuff like that with out something to back it up.
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Also talk to an attorney to see the implications of all of this...better to be informed before you take any action...best of luck, J
  12. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Im sorry to hear youre going thru this. About the only thing I feel ok about sharing atm is Id encourage you to set the facts straight with whomever youve lied to. Lying causes all sorts of its own grief. Not only this, but you have enough on your plate please dont compound it. Youll have no chance of your integrity being comprimised in telling the truth. It'll be worth it. Let the cops help. They are there to help no matter what your grandparents say. Maybe that was their experience sometime during their life, but one experience should not define them as a whole. Their experience will not make your own. Please set the facts straight before it hurts you now and/or in the long run. Take good care.
  13. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    regarding leaving now or waiting til november 30th to leave, i would say, why wait??? leave now...a lot of people who have bad habits or plan on changing something always wait for an event before they change...often it's new year's with resolutions...
    in your case, if you wait til november 30th, you will likely want to wait til after christmas, and then after new years...so if i were you, i would go now! asap...for your own safety...a lot can happen in just a few days...a lot can happen in just a few seconds!

    take care and be safe...the police might be a good idea...i don't know much about the UK legal system, but i assume you would simply file a police report and they really wouldn't do too much unless you got a restraining order (that's what the US calls it)...

    keep us updated...
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