urges or actual cutting- which is worse?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by plates, May 18, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    is there are difference for you between urges and actual cutting? there isn't too much for me. because self harm is the end result of having extreme urges. i don't care if i cut or not (ok slightly, which might explain why i will try everything to not cut) it's the feelings before which is most distressing because they are completely out of control stuff, which is probably why my ED was so severe for years because it was those out of control feelings i was managing through the ED stuff.
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    The urges are the worst thing for me, particularly when they come when I'm exhausted because I know I don't have the physical energy to cut and get rid of them, or if I'm around people and can't do anything about it.

  3. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    for me...the urge is the hard part. i know what will happen. the voices will tell me to. then il fight it and fight it. then the release :depressed: ive been fighting the urge and failed. about to fail again. its a losing battle for me. :( im sorry for those that care.
  4. blazalaza

    blazalaza Member

    The urges are horrible for me. I love SI as much as the next cutter but the urges are wretched. I'm trying really hard to not cut for the past couple days (ive gone about five months now) and its very very hard. I can't be around people right now because my mood is so horrible. I've gotten bags a licorice and butterfingers and other little bite size candy bars and i just keep tearing into them constantly so i wont cut. It's helping the urges a little. But as all of us know, sometimes fighting the urge is just too hard to do. You're going to loose at some point.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your replies Madam Mim, afanasiy and blazalaza. I was thinking I'd get opposite thoughts, as in actual cutting/SI would be the most distressing, but yeah, urges to SI and kill myself, is what I've been dealing with for how many years because I don't cut anymore to cope with everything underneath. Cutting is nothing for me, it has no use.
  6. Urges. Definitely the urges.
  7. dnE ehT

    dnE ehT Well-Known Member

    Just reading this makes me want to hack away at myself. Just freestyle it all the way.

    The urges are the worst part imo. I haven't cut for a long time, but lately I've been wanting to sharpen my knives for this very purpose.
  8. 31Flavors

    31Flavors Member

    Idk for me it's the actual cutting. I hate having to hide it from everyone, and how my arms are always sore and it hurts when my friends touch me. The urges can be pretty bad too i guess, but the act of cutting doesn't really improve anything much. Plus the urges give my life meaning, like i have something to think about actually doing other than killing myself. After i cut, i'm just left with suicidal thoughts because the urges are gone D:
  9. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    I suspect the question is whether you are fighting the urges. If you are fighting the urges, the urge is unbearable and the self injury is a relief. If you are not fighting, the urge is normal and the cut is a bother.
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Yep, the fight is phenomenal. What you said is spot on when it comes to me, which might account for why I'm feeling so much pain. I'm not numbing myself through an ED or self harm anymore, so I'm feeling everything and coping with everything without my normal tools I had for so long.

    It's similar to an ED psychologist saying, 'when you are in treatment and as you get better you might need to be admitted to hospital many times.'

    Thank you for saying those words, it's similar to what I've been realising when walking back from my MH clinic. The amount of times I've been in crisis is so much over the last 12 months, rather than years before when I was cutting/starving and dissociating/numbing for so long etc.

    Thank you for sharing Alis, dne, 31 flavors :hug:- I used to cut as an alternative to killing myself, now, the urge is to drink, all of which my CPN is listening to closely- and realising how much at risk I am to myself at the moment, so at least- I have someone realising how I'm feeling really.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2010
  11. Daydreams

    Daydreams Well-Known Member

    The urge to.. because actually doing it is a relief.
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