urges...very triggering

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jane doe, Mar 13, 2009.

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  1. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    its geting hard to control this urge.Cant stop thinking about the blood, the pain, the razor. Ive got everything but a quiet place to do it. since last time i did it i couldnt stop thinking in doing it again. Today i had time, time enough, space enough, but i had such a toothache that i couldnt even move. now that ache is gone and the urge is back.

    the last wound i got was so deep, it bled so much. i want one like that again or even deeper since it seems thatone wasnt enough.

    sigh, i was triggered enough and a new episode of "dexter" on tv. its a season ahead of the one im currently watching but i watched it anyway. i wonder now if i like that serie because its good or because it triggers me, or because i feel related on how the main character feels about himself.

    i want this so bad, im tired of having urges, of having to control myself to not worry anybody, to be able to hide the recent wound.

    I wish i could live alone so i could do what i want, when i want it. but no, im not living alone, and ive got this urge.
    i feel the blood running trhough my veins, and i need to see it running outside. i need to see the razor making its way on my skin.

    sigh, my hands shaking, im sweting again, i want to stop this urge, but i cant
  2. SadPandaBear

    SadPandaBear Well-Known Member

    hey Jane, I know it can be hard at times, and I think you are doing so great right now by not caving to those urges.

    I know how you feel, Its been awhile since I last cut, but the temptation does surface.

    Please stay strong.

  3. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    ty for the reply, but fact is that i dont wanna be strong, i want to do it and i cant :S!!

    tyfor those hugs...so needed one now
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