Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by vbuk, Jan 5, 2008.

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  1. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    i been ok today and now - i dont know. just lost it. hitting the bottom. been in so much pain lately with toothache - pathetic i know - and now its not here atm and i want it back cos i know i deserve it. im a useless friend. cant find the words to help anyone. there are only so many virtual hugs one can give. cant really do anything to help anyone. god im so useless at it. im sick to death of so so much. the other night i messed up and punished myself pretty bad - made me ill and i know its what i deserve. thinking about it again now. im not scared of it anymore. not scared of taking things. doing things. falling. im scared of failing my friends and i know thats what i will do. and failing my family. just failing. im so weak. mentally and physically im rotting away. im not sure what to do anymore. i guess the only thing holding me back is family and friends. if i didnt care i would have done it. i know everyone will get over it pretty quickly. they will soon realise that im a nothing and that i am so easily replaced by a better version.

    im sorry for any inconvinience caused by being here

    Clare xxx
  2. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    im gonna make it go away
  3. einahpets08

    einahpets08 Member

    I promise you, even though I don't know you, that you are not an inconvenience.
    You are not weak. Posting on here and trying to not fail others shows that you have consideration and strength beyond what you view in yourself.
    Why do you believe you are a useless friend?
    Whatever you feel you have done wrong you do not deserve to be 'punished'.
    I hope you're okay, and I'm here (for now) if you need to talk.
  4. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    people say nice things to me. but im convinced they r just being nice. im not worth the nice words
  5. einahpets08

    einahpets08 Member

    If you know me you'd know I'm not one to say things just for the sake of being nice; it's not merely basic human compassion that makes me say these things to you, it's because I've felt as you have and can tell from how you care about your friends that you're a person who doesn't deserve to be punished. The fact that you still worry about those around you while feeling so low about yourself makes you a person very worthy of kind words. :)
  6. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    we all have urges and feelings that disturb us. they are feelings and they do pass. please believe me when say this please. you are a very special person to a lot of ppl. you are not worthless, you have such beautiful qualities abut you that are great and wonderful. please take care of yourself and know that you have friends to turn to when things are tough. :hug:
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Why do you feel like you're such a failure Clare? I've talked to you in the chatroom and you seem really nice. I'm sure you're a good friend too. Why do you feel like you deserve to be in pain? You're a child of God and you deserve to be loved. Please don't hurt yourself. Let yourself be healed by God. I'm in the chatroom if you need to talk.
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    clare, I don't for a minute believe people are just being nice to you when they offer support and say nice things. They do these things because they do care and you are deserving of them. You know all to well the pitfalls of depression. This is where you find yourself right now. Don't believe it. Trust in those around you. They know the truth. :hug:
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