Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Silent Angel, Jan 22, 2010.

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  1. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    In 8 days I'll be 7 months free of cutting, but I am so close to wiping that all away right now.

    I don't know what to do. It has kept me from killing myself for the longest time, and ever since I've stopped my depression has been getting worse. Every night I hold the blade in my hand, wanting so bad to do it, but I always stop and put it down because I don't want my mom finding out agan... Sometimes I stay up all night thinking of ways to hurt myself without making it look like self harm. It's just so hard. I stopped cold turkey after doing it for six years...

    Last night all I could think about was making it deep enough to just satisfy me. One small cut, and I would find an excuse. And now, that urge has come back. Again, I have the blade in my hand... but I am trying to talk to people. It's hard... I just need some advice I guess... This has been my main issue for the longest time...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2010
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Re: The Urge

    i can so relate to you on the self harm although mine be a different sort of harm. (i won't say what it is either) just last nite i was having a hell of a time with it. you know what i ended up doing? oh i tried talking to those friends who would talk to me and heck i even called crisis a couple of times. by the end of the night i found myself curled up in a ball under my blankets and just rode it out. i made it through it last night. not the greatest suggestion but it did help so i just thought i would throw it out there for ya. hope something helps, and please certainly continue to talk and we'll continue to listen. please take care and i know you can get through this without sh'ing. you can do it!!!!!
  3. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Re: The Urge

    I'm glad you got over the urge.

    I was able to get through it... But it's so hard. Tonight I want to cut so bad, but my friend told me that he really wants to hear that I'm still clean the next time I talk to him. I don't want to let him down... but It's soooo hard.
  4. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Re: The Urge

    This is so hard dealing with right now...
  5. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    I hope you made it through again...it is very hard i know... to continue this battle of urges. I have been eating as a replacement, probably not the best but it has been helping a little.

    warm regards
  6. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I made it through half way. I still haven't cut, but I hurt myself another way..

    And eating is okay to do. Way better than hurting yourself.
  7. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I know the feeling. I fight it too. And it gets out another way too. Like panics. But I use meds now, and breathing, and therapy, it hasn't stopped it all, but it delays it a lot. Good luck.
  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    You do have a choice, and each time you make another choice and dont cut, the stronger you get, it is about the day to day when you are recovering from this, don't look back or in to the future, focus on today, and say today I wont cut, I cant promise tomorrow, but today, I will make another choice.
  9. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm with swimmergirl on this one, just take it one day at a time and focus on the present, rather than anything beyond right here, right now. You could try distracting yourself when you get those thoughts - play a game, read a book, do a fitness work out or maybe even watch a movie. Imagine yourself taking the thought, the urge, and locking it away in a box and putting it to the side for the time being. You're not banishing the thought entirely, as that would be too difficult to do right off the bat, but you're just pushing it to the side and controlling it; telling it "Not now", and focusing your efforts onto something else.
  10. PoisonS

    PoisonS Well-Known Member

    You're stronger than the urge. If you forget that, you'll never break free.
  11. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Well, I am now 7 months and one day free of cutting.

    Distractions are the best. I need many of them incase one of them gets boring.

    Thanks everyone for your support. It really means a lot.
  12. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    That's great, congratulations! :hug:
    SF can be a good distraction when I pop into the Coffee House and post in all the various different threads I can find. That can distract me for hours. :laugh:
  13. Anni

    Anni Well-Known Member

    Well done.
    Slightly jealous...
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