It's been so long since I last cut, to be honest I couldn't put a date on it. All I know is that it’s been at least 5 months... But God.. Fucking hell they are back and won’t go away! 2weeks now I’ve been fighting the thoughts of cutting my self, and this week has just got too much for me. I want to cut, I don’t just want to I feel as though I need to! The urges aren’t going to go away until I do. I’ve tried my other distractions… well all the ones I can physically do. It’s different this time around I can’t just go run until I can’t physically do it any more. I can’t run to my peaceful place… I’ve been told not to run because of the baby. It’s so stressful. I tried to paint but there is so much stuff going round in my head that I don’t know where to start. I’ve wrote the thoughts down, but it didn’t help. I’ve even spoke to my psyche… but that didn’t help either. I’ve even pulled out my long sleeved tops in case it all gets too much! It’s the middle of summer and all I can think about is covering my arms… just in case I do cut, people won’t notice as much if they have been covered all summer. I just don’t know what to do any more. I need to cut. I need to feel the cold blade running across my skin. I need to see, to feel the warmth ooze out of me. I need to feel that rush. I need to panic and start cleaning up after myself before any one sees. I need the thoughts to go away. Fucking Hell… Why is this happening to me. I should be happy but I’m really not.