Urging to Cut [Probably a Trigger]

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Lost Disciple, May 8, 2007.

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  1. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Okay, for those of you who just like the juicy, panicked part, skip ahead to paragraphs 3-5 (mostly four and five)

    The urge is back, the worst one I've had in the 2 or 3 months since I quit self-harming. I thought it got better in time, I thought I had gotten out in time when I had quit but... it's just so hard right now to stop myself from going ahead.

    I'm failing every single one of my classes and have tons (like, four) projects due today, plus a test in one class, and I'm totally unprepared. I haven't done homework in forever because even though I know the material, I can't sit down and do the work---my attention span doesn't seem to be very large lately.

    All in all, I think I would call this feeling being completely overwhelmed, but I can't do anything about it. I think I'm on the edge of a panic attack--my heart and thoughts are racing, I'm twitching just sitting here, I can't concentrate, and more than anything, I feel like I just have to go!!

    And the whole time while I'm telling myself 'You can do this, you can stay in school, you can last this class without exploding and storming out' I have this huge, prevailing urge to cut. I image the harm a thousand ways--it seems like everything around me is a trigger! Sitting at my desk in Biology thinking I'm safe from sharp things that I could take I see the binding of my notebook unraveling and imagine running the sharp, broken end across my skin over and over and over until I bleed. I see a huge homework assignment I lost a week back [poor memory skills lately] and have the urge to burn it [pyromaniac sometimes...], and then imagine burning myself, a ruge, charred chunk of skin sloughing off my arm, leaving raw muscle behind...

    ...and some things don't even have an identifiable trigger. Sitting down at the computer I suddenly had the image of a superhot needle in my head, of shoving it into the skin just outside my kneecap and forcing it deep, deep into my leg, the flesh around it burning from the heat. Where the hell did that even come from. And what the fuck is going on? Why can't I control this?! Why is the urge so bad?! I don't think I can make it!

    And in case anyone was wondering, I hardly got through sitting down and typing this up. I'm in Study Hall and I think I'm going to go insane. I'll crank up the volume of my headphones but...
    I don't think I'm going to make this one.:sad:
  2. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Lighters, matches, knives, pins... ARGH!! I can't keep my mind off them!!:blink:

  3. kirstie113

    kirstie113 Member

    Until I hear your reply, if you don't mind, I'll reply on here I guess.

    I know how that feels with the picturing the self-harm stuff. Though, instead of the burning, it's more of bashing my skull into a wall.*picturing the smashed fragments of skull and blood*

    Have you tried keeping yourself occupied or thinking of other (not harmful) thing? Planning out summer, remembering things to do, stuff like that maybe. It in most cases helps.
  4. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Ummm, thanks...
  5. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    I've struggled with cutting for years so maybe I can help you. The urge will always be there. You stop for a few months and think it's over but it's not. I stopped for four months and thought it was over and done with then I slipped up big. Have you tried any alternatives? such as holding an ice cube or pinching yourself? These are only tempary things and don't work for long but they have saved me a few times from cutting. Also going for a run when you want to cut helps and I mean run hard. To stop though you have to deal with the things that trigger the cutting. I'm guessing that would be school? Never feeling like any thing you do is good enough?
  6. kirstie113

    kirstie113 Member

    Sorry if it wasn't much help or anything... -_-"
  7. kirstie113

    kirstie113 Member

    I prolly won't post on here anymore
  8. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Lol, that's alright Kirstie. Honestly, it's cool--I just wanted more than one person to reply on this thread

    Yeah, I guess.
    I've done the pinching, but it gets so hard after awhile that I get close to breaking skin, which would be SI. And we don't have ice cubes. Most forms of distracting myself only work for a couple of days before I need more and have to switch to something else.

    Running also tends to be a trigger for me though, too--long story.
  9. kirstie113

    kirstie113 Member

    Either way, I was having one of days. Mainly embarrassed myself posting what I did.
  10. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member


    It happens
  11. kirstie113

    kirstie113 Member

  12. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    hey hon i know the urge all to well, i get to stress and anger and i have to have something to let mine anger out like cutting, burning..ect. But you can find other ways of letting your anger/stress out like excerise,spots,reading,writing,things you enjoy w/out harming your self. I hope that help alil hon
  13. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    i did it for years. lighters, razors, knives, needles. what got me to actually stop doing it is another form. sorry, but i has worked til now. tattoos. my back is almost done, upper arms, and right leg. next are gargoyles on my ribs. almost went there this last week.
    sorry to hear you all are going through this time of need. if any of you or any one doing these things, feel free to pm me. or im if you see i'm online. i'm always here unless i'm at work or asleep. be safe.
  14. weirdal

    weirdal Forum Buddy

    sorry i didnt reply to your replys, i was away from home allday. hanks alot for your suggestions, im gonna try some of them out and see how they go. thanks again

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