Urging to cut!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by toffeekitten, May 13, 2010.

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  1. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    Have you ever felt like you don't want to be distracted? You know you should try the alternatives and distract yourself but you don't really want to?

    Im urging..again! I really really want to harm, and I have a blade in my pocket. Part of me feels like I just don't care what people think anymore, or if they see my cuts. I really want to cut..scrap that..I need to cut. I'm on stage tonight tho thats the only problem. urgh...I just want to cut and cut and cut!! It's all I can think about! My mind is really screwed up at the moment. The stuff im writing and saying is completly irrational and makes no sense and yet I cant stop feeling/thinking it!!

    I don't normally get like this...I don't understand it and it scares me, but the one professional I see can't seem to understand that. argh...help??!!!
  2. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    i dont really have any advice for you but i no how you feel :hug: i totally understand not wanting to use distractions... :hug: im here if you ever want anyone to talk to.
  3. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel......that deep-seated need to harm yourself.....but it sounds like you have a very good reason not to cut.....you say you are on stage tonight?

    pm me if you need to chat, big hug,

  4. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    Ye I am..thats the only thing stop[ping me, but I'm trying to find a way around that so I can do it anyway!
    Thanks for the hugs..I really need them!
  5. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    Ah, hon, please don't hurt yourself. I know how strong that urge can be, but any relief we get is so temporary.

    Go beat the heck out of a pillow, or cuss out a lamp, or anything that might help, okay? :hug:
  6. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    Thank you..I didn't give in last night, which means today the urge is stronger. I feel like I'm going mad! I hate this so much....why am I not strong enough to beat this??!!!
    I'm in school so I have no pillows or any where I can go and yell at an innanamate object...the only space alone is the loos...which is where i would cut...bleh!!
    I could quite happily beat the wall tho...
  7. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    well done on not giving in!! im proud of you!! you are strong enough to beat this!!! :hug:
  8. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    good girl, 2nd night done for show, keep laggy band n and bloody well ping it hard, and if u sing 'jesus christ superstar' tonight im sure il sing it at the same time:laugh:

    uve so well this last week, we both have n one way or another,does us good to be honest and reflect doesnt it?

    I no babe how hard it is to resist to urge, think u need to c ur cpn again and u must make her listen too what ur saying, i know she lets u unload stuff but shes not hearing wat ur feeling and want to do.

    u need to get some more haelp than just seeing her once a week, having a wee chat then u go home, because by the next day ur back to square one, arent u?

    av pm u, and text. thank u my friend dxxxx:IrishDoll:
  9. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    Yes I am, I need more than just talking at the moment. How do I make her listen? Really need advice on that!
    yes it is good :)
    I lost my bands this morning :( funnily enough I didnt lose my blade tho...no-one would notice if I was to cut....I just get changed with my back to them....
  10. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    georgia the person ur talking about who u want to listen, is it the person who read my email and sent one 2 me??

    hope the show went well, sorry 4 yes2day, lets hope a better day today xxx:huh:
  11. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    No its my CPN, you told me to make her listen..but how?
  12. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I don't totally understand the system there, but is there anyone else you can talk to besides your cpn? It doesn't sound like you have had any luck with her listening, and maybe she just isn't going to. Can you go "above her head"? To whoever her supervisor/boss is? Or are there any other agencies that you could talk to about seeing someone besides her?

    If there is no way you can see someone else, maybe taking someone with you to see your cpn would help. Someone you trust, that could possibly try and make her see that this is serious, and that you need her help.
  13. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    Thats a good idea taking someone with me, but its just difficult finding someone who is available. and she may find it very odd for me to suddenly bring someone else along to my sessions.
    I could go back to my dr but she is useless too so i doubt she would do much!
  14. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Is there another cpn you could see? I remember when I was 1st assigned my cpn & I was given 2 named nurses as points of contact. I only ever had to see the 1 but I knew the other was there if I needed her.

  15. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    No I dont think I can, they only gave me one nurse
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