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used to be so much easier than this

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by coffee, Apr 18, 2010.

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  1. coffee

    coffee Well-Known Member

    My whole world crumbled down. My world has turned up side down.
    Everything is in mess. I don't know how to fix it, what to do.
    I just don't want to deal with anything. I am not improving. my suicidal thought is only getting stronger. Talking to ppl... doesn't really work.
    I scare them away and I am so busy being negative, I can't listen to anyone.

    The doctors are all about med. which is fine with me otherwise I would have killed myself long time ago. which is totally fine with me too.

    It's so painful and so hard that I just can't find ways make me want to live.
    make me feel happy.

    I am going to complain no matter what, I will never be happy.
    Little things that used to make me happy... they are all gone.
    everything makes me tired and irritated.
    I just don't know how to get out from this.
    It's been so long and I am getting worse and worse each day.

    I am the one who has to decided and no one can live my life for me.
    I have to. So I'd rather choose to end my life.

    used to be so much easier when I was wearing masks and pretend nothing is wrong and I am a happy person. That was my coping mechanism. It took me long time to build that skills and someone made me think that they were all wrong. I miss those times when I believed that I am strong. I can do anything. anything is possible, I am fine, I am OK, I can do this again.

    but I just can't do that anymore. any of them.
    I am sleepy again.
    on a beautiful Sunday morning.

    Hate myself.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well i know what you mean i slept most day away too and it was a special day
    i just wish someone would have some more help. Meds therapy suppose to help and they do to a point but this fatigue is killing me no energy I get it but just have to keep communicating to your doctors let them know something is not working.
  3. 8125

    8125 Well-Known Member

    everything you said rings so true with me. it could have been me writing. except that i'm still keeping up a facade infront of most people. it's starting to slip though, and once that happens it'll be over for me.

    i wish that i could offer advice or an answer, but i don't have one. all i can say is that i understand. if you ever need someone to talk to i'm here, as i'm sure are many people on this forum.
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