Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ferret, May 8, 2016.

  1. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    I've known this girl for a while now and I thought we were becoming really good friends. She's a lesbian so didn't think much about it, just that I liked hanging out because it got me out of this lonely rut I'm in. She's always hanging out with this other girl and she stays over at her place a lot, though she said they're just friends. I got into doing some things for her, like driving her to places she needed to go, and going to the grocery store. This was all happening while her other friend was studying for exams. One night we hung out at her place and one thing led to another, and we became intimate. This happened the next day as well, but after that things changed. Her other friend had finished exams, and she stopped responding to my texts. I send some texts frequently over the last couple of weeks, and tried calling her a few times. I knew she often ran out of minutes so I didn't think much of it. This is what we've always done before, either texted or called each other. I went out last night to a pub for a drink, because my birthday is on Monday and I wanted a night out. I met her and her friend in there, they were eating. I sat at the bar and didn't say anything else to her, and before I knew it they had left. I then got a text shortly afterwards that my constant texting and trying to call her was making her uncomfortable and she wanted me to leave her alone. It wasn't any more than I normally would have done when she was talking to me.

    Now I just feel used. She could have just talked to me rather than ignore me for the last few weeks. I let her know that all she does is use me while her other friend is away, and that I hope she's happy with herself. I've since deleted her number, but today I feel so down I'm not sure what to think of it. I'll be 32 tomorrow. Another year of loneliness, hopelessness and frustration.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I can understand why you feel used, and I'm sorry.

    You deserve to be treated better. Have you considered joining social or sports clubs, or volunteering in order to meet new people? Having common interests always helps socializing along.

    Please do take care of yourself! And early congratulations on your Birthday.
  3. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately you befriended a user who took advantage. Gotta tell yourself you are the better person and deserve more from your relationships. Other than that, its just a matter of getting through the pain and recovering the self worth that has been damaged. Focus on you and pretty soon you'll find that she wasn't worth your time.
  4. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    I can't stop thinking about it. This has happened to me before, with another girl. I'm not sure how they can justify using someone for their own gain and not feel bad about it at all. I don't think I'm ever going to talk to her again. I made that pretty clear.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Just curious if this isn't the first time, what kind of a friend quality do you want vs a partner?

    When I am friends with anyone I do not sleep with them. Not to place the blame but where you are getting boundaries mixed up and putting them in FWB zone and friend zone

    What they did isnt cool at all however maybe they feel guilty about it and avoiding you due to cheating on their partners?
  6. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    There's no other partner involved. What I don't understand is why all of a sudden I'm being ignored when everything was fine just a few weeks ago. I guess I'll never know. I did go by her house one day unannounced to bring her a heater for one of her rooms. I couldn't reach her so I thought I could just catch her while she dropped her daughter off to a group home worker.

    We're both grown adults but the events that happened make me feel 16 all over again. I guess I'm not important enough for her to have to explain herself to. Maybe because she's a lesbian and doesn't want me to get to attached. She's always hanging out with her bisexual friend and they're rarely ever apart, but she told me they weren't in a relationship or anything. For once I wish I could have a mature conversation with her about this rather then her completely ignore me. I still feel pretty hurt. At my age I still feel like noone wants me around.
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  7. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Rumination will not help. You'll only relive all of those harmful feelings and to what end?

    Take your decision to move on and be proud to care about yourself more than a one sided relationship. Accept the painful emotions but do not dwell on them. This will pass.
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Yeah totally get it...people do this all of the time...use someone and then move on regardless of what they were used for. Its the beast of human nature. Those people are the ones we need to avoid. Ive been used in other ways and I just learnt just to move on and forget they existed. Ofc some of them come back asking for more help/friendship out of the really are you serious when they left me hanging like that. No thanks!

    Hope you find real friends like I have found one that I know would look over my back , it makes a huge difference when there is someone to talk to about anything.