Useless

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by EvolutionFails, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. For a couple days I felt like I was better after losing my dad. Like I had a reason to do something. It's all come unglued.

    I can barely work a couple days a week without screwing something up and throwing a temper tantrum. If I didn't have the greatest boss in the world I would be fired right now. I can't provide any money for my house, even though the main source of income just flew out the window.

    I want to help around the house, but i've become a hindrance. When anyone comes over, all i want to do is lock myself in my room and hide under a blanket. Actually, that is what i do. Even if i have to pretend i'm asleep until they leave.

    All of my brothers have been helpful, coming over to do yardwork, clean the house, etc. I can barely unglue myself enough to come outside. My mom yells at me every day, I think she wishes I was never born.

    Every time I look in the mirror, I see more and more flaws. More chubbiness in my face, a wrinkled forehead and baldness before I even turn 20. I'm a decrepit monster. I want to join a gym and make myself look a little healthier, but i never wake up early enough to do anything with my day, and just sit around awake all night eating and being useless.

    There's no reason for me not to crash my car into a building with no seatbelt on at this moment. Everything I ever was going to do good in my life has been done. Unless I'm missing something, I'm doing this tonight or tomorrow, and the world will be better off for it.

    If Hell is real, dear God please tie my noose. - Warrell Dane
     
  2. Forget it. If the people in my life can't help me, I shouldn't expect the anonymous of the internet to either. I suspect you're all too wrapped up with your own sadness, and you're here to share it. At the same time, however, nobody has a solution to help others, or else nobody would be here more than a few days.
     
  3. Carcinogen

    Carcinogen Well-Known Member

    Have you tried visiting a doctor and getting counselling or medication? Fairly standard I know but maybe it could help if you haven't already tried it.
    Also keep posting here if only to vent. Letting it out might help. I'm afraid that's all I can suggest, but for what it's worth I'm sorry for your loss:sad:
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    you rarely get immediate answers on the forum, which disappointed me at first, but it's just the speed of things here. if you want immediate try the chat room. that said, please don't give up yet.

    there are no easy answers for depression, and no one thing magically turns you towards life rather than dreaming of death.... it might be meds, counselling, support groups, self-esteem, nutrition, exercise that work for you, in combination or alone.

    suicidal feelings can take ages to go away, so you will find plenty of repeat visitors here. i know i'm winning the battle against depression but like anyone, i have my bad days and it's a comfort to know that i can come here and vent in the middle of the night. this place is like a safety valve for me.

    depression can be treated, and without knowing you at all i can say from what you've written you sound depressed (the sleeping and suicidal thoughts being the main clues). if you reach out for help, and i don't mean online, but starting with your family doctor or a health clinic you will find more supports than you ever imagined. are you ready to make that call?

    catherine
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I agree that you may need to seek medical help. It doesn't mean you are week or anything, just that you are unable to do this alone right now. Depression is not easy to deal with at all. Coming to terms with the loss of your father may take time as well. You must go through the grieving process. This has several stages, anger being one of them. Maybe that is where your mom is at. We will do what we can to provide you with emotional support here. :hug:
     
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