Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by loopy, Feb 7, 2011.

  1. loopy

    loopy Well-Known Member

    Last night my other half slept on the sofa. I kinda knew it was going to hapen all afternoon, I saw the signs!

    He waits for me to go to bed and makes a few comments and I know what he wants but I lie there motionless and quiet trying not to let him hear me breathing so fast with anxiety.

    He gets fed up and asks me if I love him
    I cross my fingers and say yes. He obviously isn't convinsed and asks me again and asks if thats a real yes. I unconvinsingly say yes again.

    It goes quiet and he finally gets up and marches off.
    I dread seeing him this morning. I dread even more him coming home from work.

    I think I have exhausted all other options now. I can't make myself love him anymore after so long of not. Trust me I've tried. I don't want to hurt him or the kids.

    I really don't like me at the moment. I can't do conflict. I am useless at life.

    I can't stand by and watch them hurt if I tell the truth but I can't keep lying and pretending at my own expense. If Iam going to hurt them, it will be only once and I think possibly that is my option right now.

    The thought of doing it and failing and having to face the world scares me. But I have no where to go, no money, no friends, no other get out clauses or options.

    I feel alone, I feel scared.

    Tomorrow my life is supposed to begin. I hope it ends.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi loopy you are in a very difficult place if your feeling are not there then you need to tell your husband. Perhaps marriage councilling will help you get what is missing out of the marriage back Have you talk to a therapist about how you are feeling and why that is another option for you alone to do To explore why you have lost the feeling for your husband. If you are not happy then do something that will benefit you and your family not devastate them for life okay
    They will be able to understand if you choose to end marriage but they would never understand if you choose to end your life YOur children will never have a happy life then. There are lots of people t hat divorce and still have a good life with their children just some options are there okay use them for everyones sake hugs
  3. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    I second what Eclipse said. There have been many cases when completely hopeless relationships will come back to life after marriage counselling, or even after simply talking. Perhaps you must reflect on this more. Why have you lost feelings for him? What triggered it, if anything? What would need to change?

    I've been done your path, on both ends actually. Trust me when I say that a little bit of reflection, followed by sincere communication, never hurts.
  4. loopy

    loopy Well-Known Member

    I really don't think there is any going back. I have felt like this for such an incredible amount of time. We are talking years!

    I don't know what to do :(

    Thank you for your replies, is much appreciated. Councelling is just not a route for us.

    I can't leave I have no where to go, no friends, no family support and no extra money to use for somewhere to stay.

    I'm stuck. I don't see anything I can do ????
    I am in what seams to be a hopeless situation. Even the anti depressants don't help me put up with it anymore. But they served their purpose, they bought my babies extra time this last two years. :)
  5. loopy

    loopy Well-Known Member

    I can't admit it to him eclipse. I can't stand there and hurt him. He will get angry and say all sorts like he did a few years ago when I said I wanted to leave. He said I can go but he would keep the house and the kids too.

    If I can't be with my kids what is the point in being at all? I know is only words but I know if I did ever leave he would make things extremely hard for me. He is a quiet and stubborn person and believes he is right in most things. He won't take rejection, I know that, we have been together more than two decades!!
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Loopy, I sense you are truly upset at the idea of hurting anyone. I also sense that you are afraid that if you were to choose to leave, he would automatically get the house and kids. So...

    Have you gone to see a lawyer? I live in North America, and custody of the kids and division of property are guided by laws (and by give and take from the people involved). Your spouse might say he'll take the house and kids, but a lawyer could tell you if that's really possible, or how a custody issue would be "fought".

    I'd see a lawyer. It might help you make a choice, and at the very least, it tells you where you stand in regard to your spouse's threats. All the best, whatever you do!

    PS: Where I live, some attorneys offer an initial 1/2 hour of time as a free consultation.
  7. loopy

    loopy Well-Known Member

    Thank you Acy, much appreciated. I live in the uk and there is something called citizens advice. I have considered talking to them but I feel a bit ashamed to be even considering splitting the family up. Kids love their dad as much as they love me. I dont want to be arguing over them and hurting them.

    Thank you, you have give me something to think about x