Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by canyondrop, Aug 6, 2012.

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  1. canyondrop

    canyondrop New Member

    Not sure why I'm posting this; I've posted to other forums and it hasn't helped. I'm not one of those people who feels better having talked/written about it.

    I've had depression, with suicidal thoughts, as far back as I can remember. The suicidal thoughts just get worse each year, and this year they haven't really gone away. I've started giving things away/trashing stuff because I just don't need it.
    The thing is, i'm a complete waste. I'm just a fat lump that sits at home and reads; I don't contribute anything to anyone, and I've never changed, even knowing that If I don't, I'll probably end up dead.

    I don't enjoy anything anymore -- it used to be I could lose myself in whatever I was reading, or in crafting, or a movie, but that doesn't work now and I've become indifferent to doing anything.

    I have one friend, who lives several hours away, and she's great, but I feel it's just a matter of time before she gets tired of the fact that i'm a conversational broken record, that can't contribute anything new.

    I'm lonely -- all i've wanted in life, really wanted, is a partner, and i haven't even been asked on a date in 10 years. Just thinking about it these days makes me cry.

    I can't tale the thought of being like this another 30+ years, but I haven't managed to change yet, so it's pretty clear i'm not going to. I just spend every day waiting for it to be over.
  2. Lionheart

    Lionheart Well-Known Member

    I can relate I have no confidence around girls, even so as to sometimes get afraid when somebody would take an interest in me. I havn't even had a serious girlfriend only 1 to which many people criticised me for not doing better in their eyes. I've even sold things I'd wished I hadn't when things seemed better or depression passed for a while.
    You probably do have lot's of qualities that you are not reconising due to feeling the way you do at the moment. We all can get on friends nerves or think we are doing when things seem so bad, but that what true friends are there for and they would realise that I think.

    I hope you can get your confidence back soon and get tht something to believe in ourselves with. It only takes 1 thing and when you find it again things start seeming worthwhile. Unfortunately we can't always have everything in this life but sometimes what we do have like good qualities are amasing to have and share.
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