Using My Cats

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Forgotten_Man, Apr 25, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Recently my mood has destabilized, and I have become very depressed. I think I am falling back into my self-harm routine. Only this time I am not doing it myself. No I am using my cat to harm myself.

    I have one cat who plays REALLY rough. Even if you play with him gently he will go ape shit on you. Recently I have noticed that I have been provoking him more. I play with him until he scratches and/or bites me.

    The reason why I am worried is because I feel happy when I see blood. When he scratches me or bites me hard enough to break the skin I feel better. I enjoy the pain of letting him bite or scratch me. However, if I am not bleeding afterwards I am depressed. To make things worse I make no effort to clean the wounds, I just let them sit there.

    I am not really sure how I feel about this kind of thing. On one side I am happy I am playing with my kitty. On the other side... I am sickened that I am using him foster this habit.

    I don't know, I just wanted to get my thoughts down here.
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    At least make an effort to clean the wounds. You could end up with a very nasty infection. Cats dig their claws into all sorts of things.
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I think I am counting on getting some kind of infection.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry your depression has hit you so hard.

    I agree that you might want to clean the wounds thoroughly. Infections from cat scratches and bites can be very nasty.

    Regarding "using" your cat to fulfill urges to self-harm...I would hate to see you associate pain with your kitty...Our pets are a good source of companionship and love. Love is not supposed to hurt us, and associating "pain + love" could color other loving relationships to the point that you unconsciously begin to seek pain (emotional or physical) instead of healthy love.

    Snuggle your cat and play with her/him lots, but no bites or scratches on purpose...please.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Acy: My cats are not really that much of cuddlers. I love them and play with them. However, I cannot help but feel I need to be punished right now.
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I don't know you too well, but you probably don't deserve to punished as much as you "think" you do. What do you need to be punished for?

    About your kitties, even if they aren't "cuddlers," they love and trust you, I'm sure. They look forward to playing with you, but I doubt they want to hurt you. Perhaps they would say something about your method of self-harm if they could...? What if they don't really like the role you give them when you play until they scratch or bite?
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Acy: Why I think I deserve punishment is a long story. It is kind of sparsely broken up in threads all over the forum. I can send you a PM with all the details if you would like. I am having a very hard time getting someone who I can just talk to about it. However it is a very long story and the cause of my extreme depression right now.

    My cat just plays rough. He does not know I am looking to get him to hurt me. He just brings his claws and teeth out to play all the time. We have a messing with each other relationship. I annoy him he annoys me. He just gets enthusiastic when he is not tired.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.