Using Suicide As A Fantasy To Save Life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Winslow, Feb 21, 2009.

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  1. Winslow

    Winslow Antiquitie's Friend SF Supporter

    This is something I recall from reading a magazine article several years ago. It's a practice that apparently helps me to cope. Just as the title says, it's to use suicide as a fantasy. In other words, if you suffer overwhelming stress or hopelessness, you could try fantasizing that you will commit suicide tomorrow. In other words, you really won't commit suicide but just fantasize. The point is that just fantasizing can do a lot to relieve stress.

    Alternatively, another fantasy you could use is that you fantasize that you will have a fatal heart attack tomorrow which will kill you. Just that thought alone can make you happy for the present day. After all, Nobody knows when he'll die. So it's possible you will die tomorrow for real, so that realization makes it feel convincing that you'll really die tomorrow. So as you can see, even just fantasizing about one's own impending death can actually prevent your death. Yes, suicidal thoughts can actually save your life if you use it constructively.
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I must say, the biggest downside I've seen to anti-depressants for me was the LOSS of suicidal thoughts. Before I was on them, I always had at least ONE way to solve my problems... but it killed the suicidal thoughts pretty hard and I was left with nothing...
  3. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    My therapist made my aware of this. Whenever I was in a stressful situation, feeling extremly low the thought or planning out of suicide allowed me to calm myself down. It calmed me down, most probably, because in the society in which we live, I feel as if I have no control and thinking about taking my own life gave me total control over everything.

    It does calm you down but I guess it's not the best way to releave stress.
  4. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I think it would just depress me more to be honest, I wouldn't want to dream or have fantasies about dying when I could be planning the real thing.

    I can see how some would feel it helpful though :unsure:.
  5. Thinice

    Thinice Well-Known Member

    Wow, this makes a lot of sense now I think about it. I tell myself I'm going to kill myself so right now doesn't seem that bad anymore.
  6. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    I was thinking the exact same thing! I've always known I'm going to kill myself after my dad dies. But now that I have half of the equipment to do it, I feel a little better and probably will put it off.

    And since high school I wanted to be a pharmacist, and when I had my first Chem course in college and was freaking out because of all the group work. I even said to myself I'd rather kill myself then go to class tonight one day. So then I thought about it and realized I could kill myself, but this can go away. I could drop the course, and not be a pharmacist. But just having the ability to kill myself made me feel good.

    But I don't think this is a good way to save your life. I don't know about you but each time I come closer, and its not safe.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think that is a path better left untraveled by me. If I was to plan then I would attempt. I don't want to be alive in the first place.. To tempting for me!!!
  8. LostSpirit

    LostSpirit Well-Known Member

    Whenever i feel down or stressed, i no i could just end it like that, and for a while it makes everything better.. noing if things get to much- i can end my life as soon as i want
  9. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    I fantasise a lot about killing myself and it is comforting knowing that I have the
    choice. But maybe it gets a little too comfoting one day and becomes a reality?
    I really don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing, but it does feel good :unsure:
  10. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    I use suicide as a stress reliever all the time. As others have said, it gives me a choice. Usually, I tell myself that I will not do it today, but that it is a choice. And I see how I feel that next day. I've also had some terrible OD's that caused alot of damage. So, I still see it as a choice, but I also make myself think about the conquences of a failed attempt. Or even a successful suicide. That's just me.
  11. That's exactly how I feel. In the mean time though, it does help me. I always think 'If it gets worse.... if one more things goes wrong, I can off myself. It's okay.' and that gets me through the day, which is kinda weird if you think about it. It's so comforting to know that I have the option, and for now, that's keeping me alive.
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I do this a lot . My old therapist actually encouraged it, and the way she was going about it, she made it sound like it was a fun game, mainly cos I was bringing it to the session maybe and she wanted to work with me...but it used to annoy my ex gf a lot. I'd be shooting my head all the time and collapsing on the floor and yelling DIE . :laugh:
  13. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    That's interesting that your therapist encouraged the suicidal fantisizing. I had one therapist tell me that by keeping suicide as an option, it is getting in the way of my recovery. But for now, it works better for me to have it as an option.
  14. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think this is definitely a good thing. I think also when we are going through major changes that we feel apart of ourselves as dying and for me when I fantasize about suicide, I feel in control.
  15. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Suicide, the thought of, suicide yes can be helpful in getting through times that are difficult :hug:

    It stops me from doing any serious harm to myself. There's a difference between fantasising and growing ill and incredibly depressed with that, having it eat you up inside, and fantasising and taking action through attempts or using play to get it out of your system. I don't attempt often (so doctors don't think I'm really ill as they think I should have killed myself by now:tongue:) I don't know, when I'm depressed and wanting to die, and it's overtaking me, I imagine myself a lot, dying. So sometimes I say, I killed myself yesterday. I did it yesterday. I'm dead. I've done it. It's done. It's like creating a paper doll inside of my head that I kill and it doesn't hurt anything or anyone but it's useful as all that hurt/anger gets enclosed in that thing and something is done and I'm not actually self harming or gathering tablets or anything. It's intense though. When I do that, it really means I'm feeling at an end.
  16. Longshot

    Longshot Active Member

    I think that's what I've been doing for the past year.
    Until recently, I've never really wanted to end it, but somehow, knowing that you could end it whenever, really helped a lot of times. It's like thinking... "Hey, this sucks, but let's see how things play out, otherwise, there's always plan B".
  17. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    It’s an interesting idea. I’ve wondered about that myself.
    Can it be constructive? Yes. For the exact reasons you listed, it can make you happier or grateful to be alive at the moment. But that would really only occur if you feared death as opposed to longing for it. I think in the case of many people on this forum, we don’t sit and think about suicide to relieve stress, but more because we actually want to die or whatnot.

    So maybe in some cases it may not counter/suppress depressive thoughts, but I do think it can help decrease stress. I may not be speaking for the majority on this one, but I can for sure say that if a bad situation arises, I just tell myself if all goes to shit I’ll just off myself, and that’s that. It helps me get over the situation. (Mind you, sometimes that backfires and goes overboard, and then I go out and make poisons for myself.) But, nonetheless, the idea of potentially just killing myself if shit hits the fan has helped me in the past.

    (Sorry if my points were a bit unclear. This sleep thing hasn’t been going so hot lately.)
  18. Winslow

    Winslow Antiquitie's Friend SF Supporter

    Very surprising that your therapist encouraged that fantasy. In my case, my therapist sees it as a cause for worry. But at the same time,I tell him that what prevents me from suicide is the fear that it might backfire, e.g., a suicide by "whatever" method might wind up with me surviving but with such severe brain damage that my body would be completely paralyzed. So the suicide would make my situation even worse. As long as I have that fear as a deterrent, then the suicide-fantasy is an aid to coping. So my question is, how many of you have suicidal thoughts combined with fear of a backfire?
  19. anonmn

    anonmn Active Member

    I think I might be addicted to suicidal thoughts. I've had them for many, many years, seldom leaving me completely, changing in severity and seriousness.

    It does help me when I am worrying about something to think, "Well, if things do turn out that way, I'll just kill myself."

    I also drew comfort from writing a suicide note and preparing the materials needed. Simply having those things done removed a level of stress. I didn't have them hanging over me, occupying my thoughts.

    I don't know that it's a good trade, though. I once read something that seriously thinking about killing yourself is traumatic in and of itself and that all of us PTSD from it.

    But suicide isn't a choice, it's something that happens when your pain exceeds your ability to cope. Even if you consider factors and pros or cons, in the end it's just chemicals being measured against one another in your brain.

    But that illusion of choice is agonizing, so there's a question whether the distraction is worth it.
  20. TimmyP

    TimmyP Well-Known Member

    i have felt this way before too. i used to imagine that something positive could happen to me tomorrow that would completly change my life. like winning the lottery, or meeting someone i could marry, or anything that could drastically change my monotonous life. but i know those things have extremely low odds of happening. the suicidal fantasy seems more attainable, so that's what the positive things have been replaced by. it really does make me feel better in the present moment.
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