W
Dear Members of Forum,
I am different, but, from another standpoint, every human being is unique. I was having suicidal ideations and suffering from clinical depression. I am not suicidal anymore, because I have decided to eliminate those ideations. I have also decided to cease suffering from most of the major symptoms of clinical depression. I have discontinued being suicidal a year ago, and I have made a decision to live my life by appreciating it, instead of disliking it. I have helped myself, but, I have also had assistance from many of the people who were members of this forum, people who are still members of this forum, and people who were never members of this forum.
It is very easy for a human being to hate his or her life; it is very easy for a human being to blame someone else for his or her problems. It is also very easy for a human being to complain constantly about his or her life, but do not make any effort or utilize any energy to better his or her life. I used to hate my life, blame someone else for my problems, and complain constantly about my life, and how I desire to end it. I did not endeavor to use any energy or make any effort to change my life to make it better; I was complaining about the difficulties of my life. A year ago, I have made a choice to stop complaining about the hardships of my life, and perform something to improve my life.
I did not need any assistance from therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, or any human being who possesses an occupation in a psychiatric, psychological or mental hospital or institution, or any field or branch related, affiliated, or similar to psychology, psychiatry, or therapy. I did not need any medication to aid me in the improvement of my life. I did not need any help from any web site, with the exception of this web site. I was extremely exasperated of being suicidal, and therefore, I have decided to improve my life, but, I wanted to improve it without any direct assistance from anyone. A decision that I do not regret in any manner whatsoever, and probably will never regret in the near future.
It has actually worked -- I have improved my life by assisting myself, without requesting for help from anyone else. A large number of people had helped me in a direct manner, but, a year ago, I wanted to improve my life solitarily. I was extremely successful and was proud of myself for accomplishing such a task. A human being has many capabilities; even capabilities of which he or she is not aware. I have attempted to better my life many times but I was unsuccessful, but, when I have made a decision to attempt to better it exclusively, I have succeeded. It was a strange thought to have -- the thought of my life becoming better without any direct help from anybody except myself.
This year, I have come to the realization that the only way I am able to achieve total peace in a psychological fashion, is, by excluding myself from most or all people who are currently in my life. That includes anyone or almost anyone who is a friend of mine and virtually all members of my family; as an illustrative example, cousins, aunts, uncles, and, if possible, in the near future, that would also include my mother, father, and brother. I have also come to the realization that I desire not to have any friend, and/or a romantic partner. I do not want a female romantic partner, a friend, or be an active part of my family. I do not want to have any intense affection for anybody. I do not want to have any associates or acquaintances of any type. I do not want to love anyone in any manner. I do not want to have an intimate relationship with anyone.
I do not want to socialize with anyone; I want to avoid all human contact and communication of all forms. I do not want to form any sort of relationship with any human being. I do not want to be a part of human civilization, or any culture or society. I do not want to be in the presence of any human being, and I do not want to see, hear, smell or touch or contemplate any human being. I am an introvert by nature, and I have spent almost my entire existence on this planet hardly socializing with anyone. I do not attend parties, nightclubs, movie theaters, or any social occasion or gathering. I actually like that, and I remain at home with my parents. I do not possess a vocation, and I do not attend any university or college, because I abhor socializing and being in the presence of other human beings. I do not have a social life, and I hardly have any friends, but I actually like it. In my personal life, I merely have one friend, but I am not definite whether that person is a friend or not.
According to the manner in which I have explained myself in this message referring to my desires or wants, many people might assume that I am a misanthrope. I am not a misanthrope (according to some dictionaries), because a misanthrope as a noun is defined as, "one who hates and/or distrusts human beings in general." Some dictionaries defined the word as a noun, meaning, "one who hates all people." I do not hate all members of the human species. I actually love and care about everyone who is a part of the human species, and that is my problem. My problem is that I care about everyone so much, that every time a human being or human beings hurt or kill another human being or human beings, I become depressed. Every time that I hear on a news broadcast or read in a printed and/or online newspaper about someone dying, or being hurt, or a death of a person caused by another person, I become depressed.
That is called weltschmerz -- as a noun, meaning, "sadness or depression about the actual state of affairs of the world caused by human beings, in contrast to an ideal state." It could also be defined as, "sadness or depression caused by the evils or despicable state of the world, perpetrated by human beings." The only way I cannot suffer from weltschmerz is by isolating myself from all human contact, or to avoid being a part of any human society. If I do not have knowledge of what human beings are doing or saying to one another, I cannot suffer from that aforementioned state. I am the type of person who loves everyone, even people who are not loved by the vast majority of members of western society. I care just as much about the rapists as I do about their victims. I care just as much about the people who were killed in the attacks of the United States of America, on September the eleventh, in the year of two thousand and one, as I do about the perpetrators of the attacks.
Although I am an agnostic, specifically, a theistic agnostic, most of my moral and ethic values derived from the Christian Holy Bible. I cherish the Christian Holy Bible and other Holy Books, even though, I am not a spiritual or religious person; I am actually a highly scientific and naturalistic person. I am the way I am, because I used to attend a church that was surprisingly inclusive. Everyone was welcome at that church. If one was a murderer, abuser, serial murderer, convicted child molester, rapist, terrorist, racist, sexist, or an outcast or held in contempt and/or derision by society, that individual was welcome. The pastors at the church preached a doctrine that states that every human being ought to care about every other human being, regardless of what that human being has done, thought, or said, or what motive that human being have had and currently has. The church teaches that God loves everyone, and every person should inspire to love everyone as well.
Although the church that I was attending was denounced as a cult by a large number of people, the beliefs of the people of that church remain with me; ever since I was taught those beliefs. I did not actively commence to possess those beliefs until it was the year of two thousand and seven. I was taught those beliefs in the year of two thousand and one. One of the reasons that I do not want any friends, is that, I used to hurt a considerable number of people who were and who still are in my life. The only way I would not be capable of harming anyone, is, if that person is not in my life. The values and morals that I am currently holding are some of the reasons that I do not really crave for any friends or romantic partners. I do not want to engage in any romantic, intimate, or sexual activity or behavior with anyone. I do not want to engage or participate in any form of human bonding. The thought of being close or intimate with another human being offends me. I do not want to be loved, accepted, or wanted by anyone. I want everyone to forget about me, and I will strive to forget about everyone else. I do not want to care about or love anyone, not even my immediate family.
I am going to list many of the reasons, but not all, that I do not want to associate, socialize, become friends, or communicate with, or contact, or be in the vicinity or proximity of any human being.
These are some of the following reasons:
1) I have hurt a great number of human beings.
2) A significant number of human beings had hurt me.
3) I have caused many human beings to cry.
4) Many human beings have caused me to cry.
5) I have abandoned a large number of human beings who needed or wanted me.
6) A considerable number of human beings had abandoned me when I needed or wanted them.
7) I was not able to interact with many human beings, when I needed or wanted them, because they were either busy, doing something that was important, sleeping, or working.
8) I have hurt many human beings who were and still are members of this forum.
9) Many human beings who were and still are members of this forum had hurt me.
10) I have hurt many human beings with whom I am associated in my personal life.
11) Many human beings with whom I am associated in my personal life had hurt me.
12) My family has hurt me.
13) I have hurt my family.
14) I have used excessive profanity towards many human beings, especially my friends and family.
15) My friends and family have utilized excessive profanity towards me.
16) I have terminated excellent friendships, especially friendships with some of the members of this forum.
17) I have ignored many human beings who were not friends and family.
18) I have ignored many human beings who were friends and family.
19) I have made many human beings depressed, upset, and angry.
20) Many human beings have made me depressed, upset, and angry.
21) Many human beings betrayed me.
22) I have betrayed many human beings.
23) I have made human beings disappointed in me.
24) I have been disappointed in human beings, especially my friends and family.
25) I have devastated my mother, father, and brother.
26) My father, mother, and brother have devastated me.
27) I have made intentionally derogatory, offensive, vulgar, and rude remarks, statements and comments towards many human beings.
28) Many human beings have intentionally made derogatory, offensive, vulgar, and rude remarks, statements, and comments towards me.
29) Many human beings have backstabbed, double-crossed, and betrayed my trust.
30) Many human beings made me feel unwanted, unloved, and unaccepted.
31) I have made many human beings feel unwanted, unloved, and unaccepted.
32) I have caused worry, anxiety and stress to many human beings.
33) Many human beings have caused stress, anxiety and worry to me.
34) I have ruined and damaged many of my relationships with human beings.
35) Human beings had ruined and damaged their relationships with me.
36) Many human beings have disclosed my personal business to other human beings; notify others "things" about me that I did not want anyone else to know, but, the person that I have told.
37) Many human beings have made positive, flattering, and good comments about me to others when I am in their physical presence, but, speak negatively about me, when I am not near them physically, or when they assume that I cannot hear them speak derogatorily about me.
38) Many human beings were beneficent to me because of negative ulterior motives.
39) I was benevolent to many human beings because I have had negative ulterior motives.
40) I have lied to many human beings.
41) Many human beings have lied to me.
42) I have used and taken advantage of many human beings, their emotions, weaknesses, feelings, and time.
43) Many human beings have used and taken advantage of me, my emotions, weaknesses, feelings, and time.
44) Many human beings have pretended to be a friend to me.
45) I have pretended to be a friend to many human beings.
46) I have lied when I told many human beings that I care about and love them.
47) I do not know if human beings who have told me that they care about and love me actually do care about and love me.
48) I have manipulated many human beings feelings and/or emotions.
49) Many human beings have manipulated my feelings and/or emotions.
50) I have committed despicable and contemptible acts towards many human beings.
51) Many human beings had committed despicable and contemptible acts towards me.
Those are "some" of the reasons that I have to avoid all contact with every human being on this planet. I can list over two hundred reasons, but I am not going to do that.
That is why I cannot establish any type of relationship with anyone. I cannot start a romantic, sexual, or non-sexual, or non-romantic relationship with anyone.
I am not "boyfriend material," "family material," "friend material," "acquaintance material," or "people material".
I would be in a more prosperous condition avoiding everyone, and living in a remote area, such as a cave, with no presence of any human being or human activity, for the rest of my entire corporeal existence in this physical world.
Consequently, my New Year's resolution is to annihilate all of my friendships and relationships, to never have friends anymore, to never have a favored female companion or romantic friend of any type, to never become close to anyone in my family, to never converse with anyone, to never become close to anyone else, and to isolate myself from all forms of human society.
In alternative words, my New Year's resolution is to become a hermit; a recluse; a complete introvert; an antisocial human being; to separate myself totally from all forms of human civilization.
I will initiate these goals, as soon as the New Year starts.
When I am done completing those goals, I will finally have utimate peace in my life, and most importantly, my mind.
This message was originally supposed to be longer; this is a "fraction" of the message.
This is the "abridged version" of this message. Yes, even the short version is tremendous or relatively great in length.
I intensely dislike doing this:
With Kind Regards,
...
Sincerely Yours,
Big William.
I am different, but, from another standpoint, every human being is unique. I was having suicidal ideations and suffering from clinical depression. I am not suicidal anymore, because I have decided to eliminate those ideations. I have also decided to cease suffering from most of the major symptoms of clinical depression. I have discontinued being suicidal a year ago, and I have made a decision to live my life by appreciating it, instead of disliking it. I have helped myself, but, I have also had assistance from many of the people who were members of this forum, people who are still members of this forum, and people who were never members of this forum.
It is very easy for a human being to hate his or her life; it is very easy for a human being to blame someone else for his or her problems. It is also very easy for a human being to complain constantly about his or her life, but do not make any effort or utilize any energy to better his or her life. I used to hate my life, blame someone else for my problems, and complain constantly about my life, and how I desire to end it. I did not endeavor to use any energy or make any effort to change my life to make it better; I was complaining about the difficulties of my life. A year ago, I have made a choice to stop complaining about the hardships of my life, and perform something to improve my life.
I did not need any assistance from therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, or any human being who possesses an occupation in a psychiatric, psychological or mental hospital or institution, or any field or branch related, affiliated, or similar to psychology, psychiatry, or therapy. I did not need any medication to aid me in the improvement of my life. I did not need any help from any web site, with the exception of this web site. I was extremely exasperated of being suicidal, and therefore, I have decided to improve my life, but, I wanted to improve it without any direct assistance from anyone. A decision that I do not regret in any manner whatsoever, and probably will never regret in the near future.
It has actually worked -- I have improved my life by assisting myself, without requesting for help from anyone else. A large number of people had helped me in a direct manner, but, a year ago, I wanted to improve my life solitarily. I was extremely successful and was proud of myself for accomplishing such a task. A human being has many capabilities; even capabilities of which he or she is not aware. I have attempted to better my life many times but I was unsuccessful, but, when I have made a decision to attempt to better it exclusively, I have succeeded. It was a strange thought to have -- the thought of my life becoming better without any direct help from anybody except myself.
This year, I have come to the realization that the only way I am able to achieve total peace in a psychological fashion, is, by excluding myself from most or all people who are currently in my life. That includes anyone or almost anyone who is a friend of mine and virtually all members of my family; as an illustrative example, cousins, aunts, uncles, and, if possible, in the near future, that would also include my mother, father, and brother. I have also come to the realization that I desire not to have any friend, and/or a romantic partner. I do not want a female romantic partner, a friend, or be an active part of my family. I do not want to have any intense affection for anybody. I do not want to have any associates or acquaintances of any type. I do not want to love anyone in any manner. I do not want to have an intimate relationship with anyone.
I do not want to socialize with anyone; I want to avoid all human contact and communication of all forms. I do not want to form any sort of relationship with any human being. I do not want to be a part of human civilization, or any culture or society. I do not want to be in the presence of any human being, and I do not want to see, hear, smell or touch or contemplate any human being. I am an introvert by nature, and I have spent almost my entire existence on this planet hardly socializing with anyone. I do not attend parties, nightclubs, movie theaters, or any social occasion or gathering. I actually like that, and I remain at home with my parents. I do not possess a vocation, and I do not attend any university or college, because I abhor socializing and being in the presence of other human beings. I do not have a social life, and I hardly have any friends, but I actually like it. In my personal life, I merely have one friend, but I am not definite whether that person is a friend or not.
According to the manner in which I have explained myself in this message referring to my desires or wants, many people might assume that I am a misanthrope. I am not a misanthrope (according to some dictionaries), because a misanthrope as a noun is defined as, "one who hates and/or distrusts human beings in general." Some dictionaries defined the word as a noun, meaning, "one who hates all people." I do not hate all members of the human species. I actually love and care about everyone who is a part of the human species, and that is my problem. My problem is that I care about everyone so much, that every time a human being or human beings hurt or kill another human being or human beings, I become depressed. Every time that I hear on a news broadcast or read in a printed and/or online newspaper about someone dying, or being hurt, or a death of a person caused by another person, I become depressed.
That is called weltschmerz -- as a noun, meaning, "sadness or depression about the actual state of affairs of the world caused by human beings, in contrast to an ideal state." It could also be defined as, "sadness or depression caused by the evils or despicable state of the world, perpetrated by human beings." The only way I cannot suffer from weltschmerz is by isolating myself from all human contact, or to avoid being a part of any human society. If I do not have knowledge of what human beings are doing or saying to one another, I cannot suffer from that aforementioned state. I am the type of person who loves everyone, even people who are not loved by the vast majority of members of western society. I care just as much about the rapists as I do about their victims. I care just as much about the people who were killed in the attacks of the United States of America, on September the eleventh, in the year of two thousand and one, as I do about the perpetrators of the attacks.
Although I am an agnostic, specifically, a theistic agnostic, most of my moral and ethic values derived from the Christian Holy Bible. I cherish the Christian Holy Bible and other Holy Books, even though, I am not a spiritual or religious person; I am actually a highly scientific and naturalistic person. I am the way I am, because I used to attend a church that was surprisingly inclusive. Everyone was welcome at that church. If one was a murderer, abuser, serial murderer, convicted child molester, rapist, terrorist, racist, sexist, or an outcast or held in contempt and/or derision by society, that individual was welcome. The pastors at the church preached a doctrine that states that every human being ought to care about every other human being, regardless of what that human being has done, thought, or said, or what motive that human being have had and currently has. The church teaches that God loves everyone, and every person should inspire to love everyone as well.
Although the church that I was attending was denounced as a cult by a large number of people, the beliefs of the people of that church remain with me; ever since I was taught those beliefs. I did not actively commence to possess those beliefs until it was the year of two thousand and seven. I was taught those beliefs in the year of two thousand and one. One of the reasons that I do not want any friends, is that, I used to hurt a considerable number of people who were and who still are in my life. The only way I would not be capable of harming anyone, is, if that person is not in my life. The values and morals that I am currently holding are some of the reasons that I do not really crave for any friends or romantic partners. I do not want to engage in any romantic, intimate, or sexual activity or behavior with anyone. I do not want to engage or participate in any form of human bonding. The thought of being close or intimate with another human being offends me. I do not want to be loved, accepted, or wanted by anyone. I want everyone to forget about me, and I will strive to forget about everyone else. I do not want to care about or love anyone, not even my immediate family.
I am going to list many of the reasons, but not all, that I do not want to associate, socialize, become friends, or communicate with, or contact, or be in the vicinity or proximity of any human being.
These are some of the following reasons:
1) I have hurt a great number of human beings.
2) A significant number of human beings had hurt me.
3) I have caused many human beings to cry.
4) Many human beings have caused me to cry.
5) I have abandoned a large number of human beings who needed or wanted me.
6) A considerable number of human beings had abandoned me when I needed or wanted them.
7) I was not able to interact with many human beings, when I needed or wanted them, because they were either busy, doing something that was important, sleeping, or working.
8) I have hurt many human beings who were and still are members of this forum.
9) Many human beings who were and still are members of this forum had hurt me.
10) I have hurt many human beings with whom I am associated in my personal life.
11) Many human beings with whom I am associated in my personal life had hurt me.
12) My family has hurt me.
13) I have hurt my family.
14) I have used excessive profanity towards many human beings, especially my friends and family.
15) My friends and family have utilized excessive profanity towards me.
16) I have terminated excellent friendships, especially friendships with some of the members of this forum.
17) I have ignored many human beings who were not friends and family.
18) I have ignored many human beings who were friends and family.
19) I have made many human beings depressed, upset, and angry.
20) Many human beings have made me depressed, upset, and angry.
21) Many human beings betrayed me.
22) I have betrayed many human beings.
23) I have made human beings disappointed in me.
24) I have been disappointed in human beings, especially my friends and family.
25) I have devastated my mother, father, and brother.
26) My father, mother, and brother have devastated me.
27) I have made intentionally derogatory, offensive, vulgar, and rude remarks, statements and comments towards many human beings.
28) Many human beings have intentionally made derogatory, offensive, vulgar, and rude remarks, statements, and comments towards me.
29) Many human beings have backstabbed, double-crossed, and betrayed my trust.
30) Many human beings made me feel unwanted, unloved, and unaccepted.
31) I have made many human beings feel unwanted, unloved, and unaccepted.
32) I have caused worry, anxiety and stress to many human beings.
33) Many human beings have caused stress, anxiety and worry to me.
34) I have ruined and damaged many of my relationships with human beings.
35) Human beings had ruined and damaged their relationships with me.
36) Many human beings have disclosed my personal business to other human beings; notify others "things" about me that I did not want anyone else to know, but, the person that I have told.
37) Many human beings have made positive, flattering, and good comments about me to others when I am in their physical presence, but, speak negatively about me, when I am not near them physically, or when they assume that I cannot hear them speak derogatorily about me.
38) Many human beings were beneficent to me because of negative ulterior motives.
39) I was benevolent to many human beings because I have had negative ulterior motives.
40) I have lied to many human beings.
41) Many human beings have lied to me.
42) I have used and taken advantage of many human beings, their emotions, weaknesses, feelings, and time.
43) Many human beings have used and taken advantage of me, my emotions, weaknesses, feelings, and time.
44) Many human beings have pretended to be a friend to me.
45) I have pretended to be a friend to many human beings.
46) I have lied when I told many human beings that I care about and love them.
47) I do not know if human beings who have told me that they care about and love me actually do care about and love me.
48) I have manipulated many human beings feelings and/or emotions.
49) Many human beings have manipulated my feelings and/or emotions.
50) I have committed despicable and contemptible acts towards many human beings.
51) Many human beings had committed despicable and contemptible acts towards me.
Those are "some" of the reasons that I have to avoid all contact with every human being on this planet. I can list over two hundred reasons, but I am not going to do that.
That is why I cannot establish any type of relationship with anyone. I cannot start a romantic, sexual, or non-sexual, or non-romantic relationship with anyone.
I am not "boyfriend material," "family material," "friend material," "acquaintance material," or "people material".
I would be in a more prosperous condition avoiding everyone, and living in a remote area, such as a cave, with no presence of any human being or human activity, for the rest of my entire corporeal existence in this physical world.
Consequently, my New Year's resolution is to annihilate all of my friendships and relationships, to never have friends anymore, to never have a favored female companion or romantic friend of any type, to never become close to anyone in my family, to never converse with anyone, to never become close to anyone else, and to isolate myself from all forms of human society.
In alternative words, my New Year's resolution is to become a hermit; a recluse; a complete introvert; an antisocial human being; to separate myself totally from all forms of human civilization.
I will initiate these goals, as soon as the New Year starts.
When I am done completing those goals, I will finally have utimate peace in my life, and most importantly, my mind.
This message was originally supposed to be longer; this is a "fraction" of the message.
This is the "abridged version" of this message. Yes, even the short version is tremendous or relatively great in length.
I intensely dislike doing this:
With Kind Regards,
...
Sincerely Yours,
Big William.
