value?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Jun 21, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    so yesterday was father's day, my second least favorite day of the year

    at home i got 1 hug (youngest daughter), 2 greetings (same daughter and my sister-in-law), and 4 cards that mysteriously appeared in the house around 4:00 after everyone came back from the mall. wife told me there were cards on the kitchen table if i wanted them (daughter got them for me)

    the cards don't even matter because i don't feel like an adequate father anyway - i keep screwing up and i know it - just serves as a reminder of all my other failings as a person

    then they wanted to go for dinner and asked me where - i'm not a big dining out fan anyway so i just said taco bell - my wife said if that was my choice she wasn't going so i just told them to pick something

    didn't talk to anyone yesterday - just tried to keep myself busy with chores around the house so i wouldn't have to think about how i was feeling

    didn't work out so well at the end of the day - still felt miserable, useless, and worthless

    now i can't shake it

    fathers day or not it doesn't change who or what i am - still failing in the things that matter to me

    at my desk at work - had to fight myself just to enter the building

    i don't know what to do any more - i just don't see myself as having any real value left to offer the world
     
  2. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    you've not failed as a father. You've done a damned good job. You did it so well in fact, that you got a little lost along the way. Happens to other father's too (and Moms). Put so much of you into doing, you forgot to do for you. You get an A in Fatherhood.

    In taking care of you, well, perhaps a C-.

    You've done great at work. It's not your fault they changed things. You've accomplished some amazing things there.

    Your family is aware of the problem you have with recognition, acknowledgement, etc. So maybe they tiptoe around the card thing a bit. As far as dinner, you Claim The Day! This is what i want. This is my day. This is what I shall do. Then you do it.

    i wish you could find a way to stop kicking yourself. I still do not see where you have failed. I'm unconvinced.

    :hug:
     
  3. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Your the best father ever!! Wish you could see that... I see how you are with your kids...they love you so much. :hug: I love you....more than i can put into words at the moment. But im sorry your feeling this way. Just like how you see me differently than i see myself....well i see you differently then you see YOURSELF! :hug: :cheekkiss: Im sorry your hurting
     
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    didn't notice that my eldest daughter had a math disability which still plagues her

    didn't notice that my youngest daughter had scoliosis until it was too late to correct

    both children inherited my asthma

    my son inherited too much of the bad parts of me and i can't fix it

    didn't prepare adequately for their educations after high school

    every cool thing they've had (trips to france and around the country, first cars) came from someone else, not me

    i could go on an on
     
  5. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    None of that is your fault :hug: and even if it were people make mistakes...
     
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree with Sam, many of the things you mentioned were supposed to be picked up in school....even the scoliosis is checked there!
    I say you pick an area you would like to do better in and make the effort to be who you want to be. Sort of like reinventing yourself....be the person you wish to be.
    I have done it when I felt I was "less than" in a certain area and it works...it does take effort but you have done the first step...seen where you would like to change...we are here to so support you too so youre not alone.
    Sounds like they were a bit insensitive to you yesterday and I have to admit I have done the same to my family..well I just figured what I did wasn't that important but seeing your post I guess maybe is was so I am going to make a point to show my feelings better next holidays..see it may not be you they may be feeling like I do-that my contribution really doesn't matter.
    We are here for you so keep talking with us...:arms:
     
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    it's too late bambi

    i'm just an old dog and you know what they say

    already know the tricks: heel, roll over, beg

    maybe i should learn to play dead
     
  8. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Nice to see you have not lost your sense of humor, though it is rather dark....

    As far as old dogs and new tricks that is a line of bullshit.

    I started my second career at age 39 so there!

    It is all about the heart and being willing to tackle the change. You can do it, but you have to try.
     
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    who's joking?

    i hate myself so much right now i wish i would just stop breathing
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2010
  10. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I wish I could take ur pain away. I would give anything to do it. You deserve to be happy and see what we see in u. I love u forever and always, always and forever. Xxxx
     
  11. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't think the pain will ever leave and i am so tired of trying to live with it
     
  12. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    It can leave you just have to hang on to us. Please keep fighting... :hug: The pain will get easier...you just cant be so hard on yourself xxx
     
  13. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    no good at work

    no good at home

    no good
     
  14. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    where are you?? are you home??? :hug:
     
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    .....................
     
  16. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    .....................
     
  17. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    What do you need?

    If you had a magic wand, what would you wish for?
     
  18. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    You think you're no good now, what good will you be when your children have no father, no male figure to guide them, at all in any capacity? And just wait until they get older and those psychological traumas you're about to unleash onto them will haunt them, wondering "why couldn't my father just be there, he must have hated us -- we must be the worst children ever, since we weren't worth being loved enough for him to stick around for us."

    I'm not going to sit and here and give you cheers of "best father of the universe in the EVARRRRRRs in ALL the worlds!", but you can do your children the favor of being present. Step up and be responsible and stop trying to murder your children by making them suicidal in their futures. You can't change whatever the past was, but what you do NOW can show that you do care about them and their future.
     
  19. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    I think Prinn's advice was spot on and I didn't think it was harsh at all...

    You can still be a great father by staying in their lives, do you have any idea what kind of damage you can do to your children by killing yourself? They themselves will probably end up suicidal and go into deep depression.

    They seem like great kids to be honest, and you might have not been a great dad in the past, but that doesn't mean you can't change the future...
     
  20. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    You care about your children. That makes you a better father than many.

    I know the feeling of HATING HATING HATING father's day. It's just miserable to dread a holiday that others are looking forward to in joyful anticipation.
     
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