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Vent (triggering)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DrownedFishOnFire, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Am pretty much feeling all emotions from anger to feeling horrible to guilt and worthlessness

    As some of you know from my post that my crappy physical health was from a car accident due to a DUI/ reckless driver who rearended me at a high speed.

    Have had series of misfortunes and bad luck since then

    I also had a ruptured appendix 2 weeks after I had the first knee surgery and was in the hospital for 10 days and had to have a drain put in. During the time I was in the hospital this month the court case for the guy who got charged with the DUI happened and I got a phone call from the state Attorney that the guy killed himself the same day court was supposed to happen.

    A suicide. This guy didn't just only hurt his loved ones as he was loved by many and had a son who will be scarred for life. He also hurt me all over again.

    I felt guilty for feeling a little relief that I didn't have to go through court reliving that night. I feel guilty that I was at the wrong place at the wrong time and was/seem to be the catalyst for him to take his life. He was just a year older than I so it kinda hit closer to home for me as it could have been me. I feel so bad for his son and wished we traded places sometimes so I don't have to continue dealing with the physical pains on the other hand.

    As I'm done dealing with the bullshit. I have put my dog to sleep, my best friend and my grandmother died/ my aunts/uncles are squabbling over property/money. The house is now up for sale and a lot interests in it.

    This all happened in the last 7 months.
  2. Brittless

    Brittless Well-Known Member

    Sorry things are seeming so overwhelming for you, Fish. That's awful that that guy killed himself but it is in no way your fault. He was the reckless drunk driver, which probably meant he was unhappy to begin with...You are an empathetic and caring person it seems which I can understand makes you feel like the whole world's burden is on your shoulders... I get that affect too. But it isn't. I am so sorry to hear about your best friend and grandmother and dog. These months may be your hardest, but I do hope that means the coming months can only progress from here. Stay safe.

    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @DrownedFishOnFire I am so sorry, I'd be feeling that too if I was in that situation but it was not your fault in any way. He chose to end his life, he is responsible. I wonder if he had other troubles you don't even know about,like brittless said since he was drink driving and driving recklessly so he must have had his own issuers apart from the DUI. Do not feel guilty, don't feel upset, he made the decision to leave I am just sorry that he didn't sort out his affairs earlier ((hugs))
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thank you @Brittless and @Petal

    Pretty much know it just cant stop feeling this way especially when I am feeling a lot of physical pain it just has been too long and hard on my body.