Venting--at least once more

I keep finding myself coming back here. Whether just reading other people's posts or sitting in the chat room, it always seems to get me thinking. I had accepted my fate. I told myself there was no other way and that suicide was inevitable for me. But then, if I had truly accepted it, why would I be here? I guess I'm not as brave as I wish I was....

But, just because I'm not strong enough to do it now doesn't mean I won't be eventually, right? I mean, being too scared doesn't change the fact that I think about it every day. I suppose it's kind of like the first time you ride a bike without training wheels. It's very scary and at first you might not think you can do it. But as you keep pushing and motivating yourself, you discover how easy it is.

I'm not trying to simplify the idea of suicide. Obviously a lot of thought needs to go into such a huge decision. What will happen to your family or anyone who might depend on you? Remember that student loan debt you haven't paid off? Who do you think will have to take on that burden? What kind of emotional trauma are you putting other people through? Not to mention the questions of religion and the afterlife. I mean, most religions consider suicide to be an unforgivable sin. Nobody knows for sure what awaits them in the afterlife, if there be one. Are you truly willing to risk spending an eternity in Hell? Is "nothing", eternal unconsciousness, better than the opportunity to improve your life?

I have a good life. I have a well-paying job that allows me to live quite comfortably. I've dropped out of college three times now, but that's just me not being able to afford it. I love my family, and I know they love me. But the thoughts are still there....

Though there are more than enough reasons for me to live, it seems like not one of them is actually compelling enough to convince me. And I'm not here looking for someone to convince me either. I guess it's just nice knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing I am.

 

I suppose I would say I'm going through something similar... Friends and family seem to love me, they all want to help, but my mind just constantly is pushing in the other direction.

I don't mean to convince you to drop the thoughts completely, as that would be beyond hypocritical for me to do, but may I suggest that you find some little things to live for in life? After I attempted once, I went to school the next day and made a list of all of the little things that would have made me smile, that I would have missed. It kept me alive for a while, maybe it could be of some use to you too.

 

Hi i like that idea of writing down what you would miss hun who would miss you even if you left I do hope you can reach out to someone anyone to just talk and get some help. My thoughts of leaving have decreased since i went to therapy I think this idea mentioned by letmedisappear is a good one hugs to you