I don't know why am here. I have lived on forums in the past and they never really helped me. I even ran a forum on loneliness for over a year but still it never really helped. Its been sometime since I posted on a forum. I have been here before. Guess I just need to vent. I've just spent 14 months on job seekers looking for work and applying for jobs I know I am not physically capable in doing just to look like I was looking for work to get money. I have made a big effort to find work its just I have a lot of physical problems that stop me from doing a lot. Eventually the other week I broke down in the middle of a public library in front of my disability appointment adviser. A few days after that I got a sick note from my doctor for 3 months. I am now on even less money than before but when I got that sick note it felt like a weight had been lifted of me. I think I slapped for 3 days and for the next 2 weeks I have actually been able to sleep in till about 8 in the morning instead of getting up at 5 for no reason. But I have received a letter saying I have to have a home visit for I have no clue what for just because i've changed benefit. I will still have to have a medical later on as well. Then I will probably have to appeal against any decision they make so I can stay on the sick. I may add that I have been on the sick for 20 years be for all this government changers happened. Am still jumping fro hoops for very little money and I will always have to. Even if by sheer luck I did get a part time job I could do I would still need to claim benefits of some sort in order to live. Nobody should have to live out there life like this. I am constantly being made to feel like some regect thats just a waste of space. And all this on top of the normal reasons I first came here which is down to loneliness. I have lived alone for about 17 years. For the past year I have had a lodger. For a little bit it was OK and I did not feel lonely for the first time in about 17 years. But now he spends very little time at home and when he is here we don't really talk anyway. I am thinking of asking him to move out. But the extra money comes in handy and I guess I will be more lonely. I just feel so tired all the time and no energy. No apparent to eat. This stupid heat is not helping. Just dont see no way out. I guss the things I wont are a good friend to spend time with and someone to go on holiday with. But no one wont to spend time with me. Am just destined to keep having to worry about getting benefits to live on and living a life alone each day. Its a fate worse then death.