Venting... (no replies needed)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Looking_4_Hope, Jan 27, 2007.

  1. I don't understand why it is so hard for me to walk away from you. Logically, I know that our relationship isn't healthy. Everytime I see you I feel like I am walking on egg shells b.c I don't know when you are going to snap. I am tired of having to try and explain away the bruises. People are starting to wonder. I just wish you would tell me what I do that makes you so mad, so you can give me the chance to try and change. I know you get frustrated that I am not a trusting and affectionate person, but I wish you were able to understand why. But mainly thats my fault because I won't tell you what made me that way. I just can't...not yet. I may never be able to and I am sorry for that. You want stuff from me that I just can't give you right now. I just wish that you wouldn't hit me and instead we could just talk it out. But then again, I know its all my fault. Its my fault you get so angry. I make you get to the point where you get violent. I know you love me, but shouldn't love make me feel good? Your love hurts, physically and emotionally. I am really at my breaking point. I don't know what to do. I feel that if I wasn't around anymore then you would be happy and you could find somebody that wouldn't get you to the point that you need to hit them. I wish I could give you what you want, but I just can't. I know that deep down you are an amazing person and that you would never want to hurt me, but you do. I know that we shouldn't be together... you deserve better than me. I am so sorry I am not good enough for you not to hit. :sad:
  2. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    I know you might not want replies...but I promise if you're willing, I'll talk and help you. It might be the only decent thing I'll do when I live...but it upsets me to see someone who tries get hurt. I hope you'll smile and remember that life is worth living. I'm sorry with how things are...and I'll pray for you.

    Love and peace,
    ~Prince of Hosts
  3. Thanks. But I am going to have to disagree with you and the whole life is worth living thing. But thanks for the kind words.
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you hun and I hope the venting helped you. If you ever need to talk I am more than willing to listen to you. But, you don't have to, I just thought I'd offer. Try and hang in there hun. :hug: :hug: :hug:
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok this is going to be straight to the point. Get away from this arsehole and NOW!!!!
    There is no excuse for hitting, and no fucking way is this your fault !!!!
    This person obviously thinks they can do what they want, when they want and has no control of their anger. This will not get better, infact it will escalate.
    Don't leave it till they seriously injure you GET OUT NOW!!!
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I must say I do agree with, Terry though. I've been thru a stressful/abusive/neglectful/menipulative marriage... I can't force you to give him up, (1 only you can and (2 only you can save you right now.. I hope you are ok.
  7. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Hope it helped to get it out... but what Terri and Carolyn said are right. GET OUT OF THIS ASAP. Its not gonna do any good for you hun. It only gets worse as time goes on...

  8. I really appreciate what everyone said. I only wish it was that easy. It may seem like an easy decision to make but if I do then I am left with no one. As much as I hate what he does its so hard to walk away. I guess I have alot to think about. But thanks everybody.
  9. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    Isn't it about time a flower maiden like yourself bloomed?

    Spread your wings and fly...rise like a phoenix.

    You won't be left alone, there's many fishes in the sea.

    Leave, find your knight who seconds as a prince, and fall in true love.

    Smile because the sky is always azure blue.
  10. I would not even know where to start or what to say to him. This is just so hard.
  11. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    Say what's on your mind! I can't stand watching women get hit, it's not right and you deserve to be treated better! I'm willing to listen to what you want to say and I'm willing to help you as well.

    If you have MSN or AIM, I'll be willing or email.

    I really hope you can get through this.
  12. Thats just it.... I am so confused. On some level I love him and need him. He is a great guy but he has a violent side that I always seem to be on the recieving end of. Part of me feels like I could change him...make him realize that what he is doing is not right. And then there is the fact that I am scared. What if he totally flips out and takes it out on me. I now that I will not be able to defend myself. I don't know... sorry I am wasting your time Princeofhope. :sad:
  13. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    Wasting my time? Hahaha, no's my job to talk to people and help them. You aren't wasting my time, you're wasting my time by not smiling. ^_^

    You really love him? Are you sure it isn't just a drive to be with someone so you don't feel alone?

    I'm not the type of guy to go slap a girl, unless it's video games and I lose and it's with a girl who I know...but most of the time she punches me first.

    Back to topic, you're not your man's punching bag. You don't deserve this and no woman does.

    What's going on today? When does he normally do it? Does he drink?

    Just tell me more of what's going on so I can help out or something...if worse comes to worse I could help with legal actions.
  14. :smile:

    Well... the thing is that I never had a guy in my life that ever treated me the way that a I guess I should be I. I was abused (thats a whole other issue) when I was younger so I guess you could say that I don't know how I should be treated. If that even makes any sense. He wants things from me that currently, in my state of mind, I can't give him. I never got help from the whole abuse thing so getting close to someone in a physical way just freaks me out right now and brings back memories that I don't/can't deal with right now. He gets angry that I don't want to take things to the next level and that I push him away. But for some reason I understand why he gets so mad. He doesn't know the reasons why I don't want to go further with him and I guess thats my fault. I can't bring myself to tell him and I don't think I ever will. Because I push him away he gets mad and then one thing leads to another and then...well you can figure out the rest.
  15. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    If you really love him you'll sit down and talk to him about it. Ask why he's angry, tell him that you love him and that you want to be with him.

    You need to tell him what you told me and let him ask questions. Cry on his shirt and hold him close...tell him that you need to talk to him.

    If he's hitting you because he's a douche, then fuck him. There are decent guys out there and maybe you shouldn't worry about that now. Maybe you should go explore the world and follow an old childhood dream.
  16. I don't think he'll understand or better yet won't care.
    Thanks for the advice means alot.
  17. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    Don't worry about it, if you want to talk just email me at

    I don't mind helping people and I really want to help. Why won't you just leave him and live your life as a free woman.

    Show hope and bring light to the masses.
  18. :smile: Thanks.
    I am meeting him in an hour... god only knows how it will turn out.
  19. Princeofhope

    Princeofhope Well-Known Member

    Just stay calm, what are you afraid of?
  20. His reaction to me telling him that I can't do this anymore. He is just so unpredictable.