Venting only, not really important :P

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by the black raven, Oct 24, 2013.

  1. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    We,, I had an ex, supposedly an ex. But it was long distance, to make long story short, she married someone else, her ex, without even telling me. When I found out she said this.

    "ok you know what the truth is you drove me insane called me on every other number! freaking told me you were going to kill yourself i thought you were fucking insane your self you ****** # ******"
    (Sorry have to keep that private)

    Then I said being in the US won't save her from me, well, it wasn't a bluff at first, but now I think I won't do it, I want her to be happy.

    "What the hell do you mean being in the US won't save me?

    I'm not understanding

    Explain to me what the hell your talking about

    The hell


    I married someone else. I did and I hate your feeling this way I'm sorry I hurt you

    Tell me what you meant"

    That's what she said. What do you guys think? Just wondering.... It is from facebook message btw, I just copy pasted it here.
    Is she getting defensive, or she doesn't want this but it just happen? It's just a speculation, but what do you guys think?
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    not sure exactly what you meant by the "being in the US won't save her" comment - lack of inflection, body language will do that

    however at face value it could easily been seen as a threat and i think you scared her

    you need to let things be and move on
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Okay, well - what I think is that this:
    sounds like a threat and I don't see how it could be taken any other way.

    She is getting defensive - and I don't know what went on between you - but she made her choice. You do not marry someone by accident in general - it takes planning and licenses and it sounds to me when she is saying that you told her you were going to kill yourself etc, that she felt unable to be honest about the relationship she was in for fear of you taking it badly.

    I think you need to move on and let her live her life. Open yourself up to a new relationship with someone available. Obviously she hurt you and you need to give yourself time and distance to heal as well.
  4. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    Well, yeah but I asked her to break up several times, yet she said she doesn't want to break up. I did threathened her, but that was because I was so disappointed. She lied to me for a year. Well, I even promised her, if we break up, and that's what she really want, I won't do anything to myself, and she will be free. She keep saying she does not want to break up.
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    don't measure someone by their words, measure them by their actions

    lying, re-married...

    no matter what she says i think the pair of you are definitely broken up
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't be able to justify your decision to suggest that being in a different country wouldn't stop you.

    But in my opinion? For someone to say they don't want to break up and the next they are married to someone else (and laying the blame firmly at your door), they are not worth wasting time on.

    It may be hard to do - but she doesn't sound like she was worth the devotion you put into it.

    (It kinda reminds me of what happened when my dad walked out on my mum - and moved into a landlady's place "Oh nothing's going on nothing's going on" - then a year after the divorce finalised - [to be more accurate - 13 months] - *june 13th 2001* - to the day he married this "landlady" - *july 13th 2002* - would have suggested that the chance of something having gone on before the divorce finalised was high). Might be a different scenario - but the "nothing's going on then married" - smacks of similarities. All this happened while I was a teenager (ok I was 16/17 within those 13 months) - but I was adolescent and very angry at the situation. It took time to get over - but this can be surpassed.

    Remember - your heart is more valuable than those who destroy it and take no responsibility for their part in it.