Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by fallen-star, Mar 5, 2007.

  1. fallen-star

    fallen-star Member

    Just trying to get some of the crap out of my head
    A really good friend killed himself last October and I miss him, but even more I miss his fiancee, we used to be so close, now I hardly ever get to speak to her (i can only call when I feel ok, and she will only reply if she feels ok)
    Now, 6 days before I submit my major work for my honours degree, another close friend has died they were both from my university and everything reminds me of them I went in today for the first time since I found out, and was in tears for most of the day. I cant lean on my friends as they feel the same as me and I cant lean on my family cos my dad and brother in law both recently got diagnosed with cancer.
    Now my work is suffering and I have nowhere to turn Im gonna fail and let everyone down, and Ive started to be selfish and not be there for other people to lean on which makes me feel like shit but I just cant cope.
    My boyfriend cant handle this anymore and is just ignoring me trying to make me snap out of it but I cant. Im sinking worse and worse and Im really scared Im gonna do something stupid, I wanna scream and smash things up but I cant. I wanna hurt myself but I cant cos he will phone my family and I cant hurt them. I cant stop thinking and i cant see any way out.
    Hehe thought this might make me feel better writing it down, maybe when I click submit it might work........
  2. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain... it's so hard to have a normal relationship, whether it be friendly or romantic, if you feel really depressed. I know from experience... i hope it all works out for you, I really do. I know deaths are so hard to deal with, and cancer is so shocking and traumatic when a person you know has been diagnosed with it. hope you get that degree! it will be an honor I'm sure!