Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by NotSureAnymore, May 27, 2009.

  1. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    I haven't done much in my life. I don't have a bf or a husband. I don't have any kids. I don't have a college degree. I owe my folks money. The house I live in is technically not my house. The person that I feel that loves me for me no matter what I do is my dog. He doesn't care how I look, he just looks at me with a smile and wags his tail.

    I'm sick and tired of my mum making me feel like sh*t recently. It's like nothing I do is right and to be honest, I think everyone in my life thing's I'm a f**king idiot.. or f**king stupid.

    I've accomplished nothing in my life. I look nothing like my dad. Why am I taller than my sis? I don't think he is my real dad. I don't think my mum loves me or even cares about me. Sure she carried me for 9 months, but she had a funny way of showing that she loved me when I was kid. Non stop beatings for about 10 years. Dad never knew about it. I remember clear as day, of how she taught me my multiplication. She sat me right in front of her on the floor and she sat on the couch. With every one I got wrong, I got smacked in the face, or she would hit my legs with the heel of her feet. She always favored my sister over me. My sister got treated much better than me. I was an ugly duckling I guess you can say. I guess I wasn't pretty enough.

    I've kept all of my poems and journals from when I was a kid. And the last time I read them was a few months ago. I couldn't stop crying. I'm so angry and sad.

    I have no motivation whatsoever. My motivation is so low, that "my" house goes unclean for a few weeks. I just don't feel like vacuuming or doing any kind of domestic duties. I don't know what my purpose in life is.

    I'm normally the strong one in my group of friends and it's so hard to live up to that expectation.. that I've set myself up on.

    I want to blame my mother for all this anger and whatever it is that I feel inside.
  2. the_juggalo

    the_juggalo Account Closed

    :clap: that was good. its good to let it out i dont know you to well but ill love ya :hugtackles: