Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by the lost soul, Jan 9, 2011.

  1. the lost soul

    the lost soul New Member

    Where do I start?

    I dunno really, at the minute I'm feeling at one of my lowest points.

    When I left school I thought life would change, I thought I'd finally have friends and maybe not get bullied, how wrong I was. I went to college, got bullied, flunked my first year so switched courses, completed a year of a 2 year course, then got totally ignored by classmates and tutors, was deeply unhappy so dropped out again.

    Went to sixth form at my old school, did a year there and everything actually seemed to be working out (I had friends of a sort and I was getting on with work) then they changed everything, went back for the 2nd year (my last year) and was treated like a baby, guess thats the hazard of being a 19 year old in a school environment.

    Against my parents wishes I dropped out (again) decided that I would find a job and hopefully have enough points from the bits and pieces I'd studied to go to uni and start afresh (again) but I couldn't find a job. Applied for everything I saw, nothing, decided to apply for all the christmas jobs, got two interviews and I was so chuffed. But wasn't successful. So did something I swore I'd never do, signed on the dole.

    Carried on applying for jobs I didn't overly want until I found something amazing, a job that sounded perfect for me, put my heart and soul into the application and got a interview, tried my absolute hardest, alas no job there either.

    Then things went from bad to worse, my dog (guess you could say my only friend) had a cancerous tumour in his leg, was a very quick thing, we went to the vets on the monday, he said it could be cancer, he went for xrays on tuesday, mum promised he'd be coming home, then woke up to a text on the tuesday saying he had a tumor and wouldn't be coming home. My heart was ripped out.

    To cut a long story short found it incredibly incredibly hard to cope. As a result diagnosed with depression and bunged on the good old happy pills. Have been on these since then (february)

    Then a job working for a good company came up so I applied, then got a phone call rejecting me cos I had gaps in my employment history and because they wanted people who'd been employed within the last 12 months. Not me then. Then I got offered another job at a warehouse with a agency I used to work for. Yes please. Turned up for my first shift and wasn't shown what to do, left to my own devices ignored and basically got given a sheet and told pick this, this was in a huge warehouse that I had no idea where anything was. But trying to make the best of it off I went, then got told I should of filled a time sheet in then the 'manager' made a big deal that he was going to fill it in for me that night but wouldn't any other time (I didn't have no idea how to do it, no one showed me)

    After deliberation and tears I decided I couldn't go back, I just felt so unwelcome, unwanted and useless, I knew for a fact that some of the orders picked would be complained about because I couldn't find the right stock and I didn't know the correct ways to fill the sheets in to attach to the totes. So that next day I went back onto JSA. Mum said she understood and wanted me to be happy.

    Since then its been a downward spiral, everyone just seems to despise me. I can't find any jobs that suit me and anything I do apply for I never hear anything back. I'm just lost. My dad can't stand me, he'll do anything to avoid even being in the same room. My mum insists shes not disappointed with me but she hardly spends any time with me, ignores me alot and enjoys having a moan at me.

    I do the housework, the washing, I cook tea and I take the dogs out. I do all I can to be helpful at home. I give her half my money every week as bored even though i buy most of my own food. I just dunno what to do anymore.

    I don't want to be here. I have no one to talk to. No one to confide in. On tablets that I don't think do anything for me but I'm not allowed to come off them until the doctors say so. I can't find any jobs. I just feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out. I honestly don't think I can cope with life anymore :(

    I'm sorry for ranting I just needed to let some of it out, theres so much more in there :(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i hear your frustration i do. It is hard for many to get a job especially now. YOu are not alone in that one Maybe getting out on your own in your own apartment would help you feel better. Is there any recreation you like doing. Maybe join a club a class you enjoy just to get you among other people. The more you put your self out there the more chances of making new friends. Music, art sports anything you find interesting okay. Just want you to know if you need anyone t talk to pm me okay hugs