todays shitty day has made me realize that there is no point in even trying anymore. I am tired of hurting in vain or having all this pain just pile up. the third step in AA is about turning your will and life over to God.....well FUCK GOD!!!! I am so tired of him jerking me around. He wants my life, well then he can take or I'm going to take it for him. All I wanted is for the pain to stop and it won't. It just gets worse and worse. And alot of the pain from the past never stops hurting. I'm sorry for acting like this, but don't think I can take much more of this.