I mostly am trying to keep myself level right now. Im just so tired of trying to get some sort of help from anyone now. How am I supposed to stop feeling like there is no point to any of this. Im so tired of knowing whats coming my way, and what i am. Ijust want this to stop, have my final say and meet myself. This has to be like the 50th time ive been in this state where i post about it, but it's getting worse and worse. Now it's so ... everything feels and looks the same. If I wrote that I felt as far as a release id just be edited out. I always beat myself up so I can force myself to resist against it. But now, i just want to drain to nothing in every meaning. just what am i supposed to think about? Is this ever going to pass? Idk.. im so tired of my life. This place is the only place I have left to talk to anyone. Whats the point..